Unless you have been living under a rock since last spring, you’ve heard Beyoncé’s hit song “Sorry”. Her highly debated song lyrics sparked rumors that Beyoncé’ and Jay-Z’s marriage was on the rocks and caused some to question Jay-Z’s faithfulness in the relationship. But what do Beyoncé’s lyrics really mean?
In actuality, Beyoncé relays a larger message that researchers have already tackled. We are guilty of over-apologizing! And ladies, I am sorry, but according to recent research, we are especially guilty!
Beyoncé’s lyrics clearly tell a narrative of a woman who is apologizing for being the victim of cheating. Her powerful lyrics remind women they have no reason to apologize for men’s actions:
“Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye”
Beyoncé’s lyrics coupled with her “Hold up” music video that depicts Beyoncé trapped underwater struggling to breath speaks volumes to the oppressive forces placed on women. Whether or not Beyoncé was cheated on, she is telling a historical narrative of women’s place in relationships. She is calling women out for always taking the blame. It is no surprise that Beyoncé would express these important messages in her music as she has identified herself as an advocate for women’s rights. In an interview with Elle Magazine, she defines the word feminism saying, “I’m not really sure people know or understand what a feminist is, but it’s very simple. It’s someone who believes in equal rights for men and women.”
It is crazy to think that in a world where a woman can run for president of the United States and be a supreme court justice we are still fighting for things like equal pay! And in addition, women are still over-apologizing! A recent series of studies by Karina Schumann and Michael Ross concluded that female participants apologize more in their daily life than men. They also found that women reported committing more offenses than men did. Interestingly, they also found that “men apologized for the same proportion of the offenses that they believed they had committed - they just didn't report committing as many offenses.” The fact that women feel the need to apologize more often says something about our mindset and need to be liked. This tendency to over-apologize can many times be used as a people-pleasing tactic. We are scared of losing people’s approval and quickly feel pangs of remorse every time we mistakenly bump someone, step a little close or fail to hear them correctly. Why is it that women’s go-to response is “I am sorry I did not hear you” and not “Can you speak up?” It is true that the words you speak influence your mindset, and constant apologies unnecessarily create guilt and undermine your confidence. Always placing the blame on yourself allows you to be taken advantage of by sending the message that being agreeable is more important to you than being upfront.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that an apology is not truly an apology unless you truly mean it. The next time you find yourself apologizing take a moment to consider if you have actually done something wrong. Ask yourself if you really want to communicate that you are at fault. Whether you simply interrupting someone’s thoughts, are taking responsibility for your roommate’s mess or blaming yourself for being in an unhealthy relationship like Beyoncé talks about, remind yourself of the meaning of the words “I’m Sorry”. Place value in those words. Make them meaningful. And if you need a little push to get started, blast that Beyoncé playlist until you ain’t sorry anymore!
