Doesn't it just suck when your emotions are running all over the place for someone, but before even figuring out if it could be worth something, you already know that it can't be? Same.
Probably the worst part about the whole thing is that I still like him! Even though I know that I shouldn't or that it's not the right time, I still do. Ugh. And with that, every kind thing he does towards me, I overspeculate, and have to bring myself back full circle as to why I shouldn't think that way, and that he probably doesn't feel the same anyways. And if he did, he probably is thinking that it's not the right time either.
For example, we went roller skating and I, a horrible skater, got stuck in the middle and had to get passed all the good skaters in order to get out of the rink. Scared and searching for a way out, my nerdy prince charming came over to hold my hand and rescue me to the exit.
If this were a normal friend, I would've taken the jester and just thanked them, but no. I had to spend the next week contemplating if it meant the same thing to him that it did for me and if he got a rush the way I did, and all that other lovey-dovey stuff I told myself not to get into. It was a brutal week.
Having an imagination can suck.
Although one big perk which, at first, could seem like a downfall, is that I see him all the time. For the getting over it part, it's complicated and messy and hard, but there was never a definite "no" in the situation. With time it may seem like a good idea for the both of once we become close friends. Or maybe I am in the middle of making a platonic friendship that lasts a lifetime.
Whatever way it goes, I get to find out as life goes on; I am in no rush to figure anything out. I have time on my side, and all I have to do is learn to believe in that.
The hard part about that, however, is that I am always impatient. Isn't it great to have emotions?