This time last year I was a sophomore in college. I lived far away from my family, but got to see them often enough. It was my two younger sisters and my parents at home and my older sister and her husband lived not too far from them. Everyone was doing well and everyone was happy, so we thought.
It turned out, that my dad was not entirely happy. He decided to leave. After twenty years of marriage, my dad decided he needed a fresh start and so, the whole family was uprooted. What I held as my idea of a perfect marriage crumbled before me. That was lie number one.
Why did he decide to do it then? My youngest sister was 15 at the time, she still had two years left at home. Did he not think about how this would affect her? To this day he claims it was because he couldn’t deal with the fighting, well not fighting, or the settling for two more years. He couldn’t live knowing that he wasn’t fully happy. So, it had to be then.
It's been a struggle for all of us, in different ways for sure, but nonetheless a struggle. This has tested all our relationships. There has been so much anger, frustration, and betrayal between mom and dad, my siblings and dad, even between me and my sisters. It’s not fun.
In May, my dad moved out of the house and my mom got a boyfriend. Everything was getting better as we found our new normal.
New normal meant my 18 hour visits home from college were divided between two people. I would go visit mom and I would go visit dad. Mom would get mad that I spent time with my dad. The whole divorce thing makes everything a little more stressful, you know, how do I squeeze everything in to such a short trip? Going home was a lot less fun then. The aftermath of divorce is a lot of walking on egg shells and a lot of negativity.
For a while it got better. We got to meet my mom’s boyfriend. He’s nice. He’s really good for her and she seems happy. My youngest sister probably got the most screwed over by the whole thing. She lives at home basically by herself. She was stubborn and angsty before everything happened, but now I don’t blame her. I honestly can’t imagine being home and surrounded by it all the time. I’m so thankful to live far away.
My dad just kind of pretends everything is all fine and dandy, even though it is literally all different now. All he wants is for his daughters to be happy. Well, we can try, but it was better when he and mom were married. We all thought it was weird that he just lived by himself and was just so much happier without our mom.
But that's where lie number two comes into play. He has a girlfriend and has had a girlfriend officially since about June. Right when everything was healing, he had to come out and say he has a girlfriend. He decided to tell me because he knew I wouldn't get mad. I’m light-hearted. I’m understanding and compassionate. He also knew I would soften the blow and tell my sisters.
The worst part is that he knew her before the divorce. They got lunch together last spring and worked out at the gym together for a year. There’s a fuzzy line between what is and isn’t cheating, but regardless, this is shady and he didn’t tell us for a while for a reason.
He didn’t want it to seem like he was leaving my mom for this other woman, but that’s exactly what it seems like. It’s even more hurtful now. We were lied to for over six months. That is absurd.
I despise lying.
If there’s one thing to learn from this, it’s that lying gets you nowhere. Even if you think lies protect people’s feelings or whatever, they don’t. At the end of the day it comes full circle. People’s feelings end up more hurt. It causes more pain, more time needed for healing, less trust, so many other terrible things.
I do not understand how people can lie. I don’t understand my dad for lying. I don’t get how people cheat, why not just not? Don’t do it. Don’t lie. There are so many alternatives to lying and cheating. Like communicating maybe, try to actually solve the problems. A perfect world would be an honest world.
According to my dad, my whole life has been a lie. The aftermath of this lie, that he was happily married, is that I am broken. Our family is broken. I’m not sure how long that will last. Some day we will all be okay, but honestly at this point I don’t think I’ll get married. I have no faith in marriage and a lot of days I don’t have much faith in humanity either. Let me reiterate, just don’t lie. Please.
