So I did a thing. A very big thing. It was scary, and exhilarating, and awesome, and powerful all in five short minutes-- and it's that short time frame that amplified all those emotions tenfold for me. This thing turned out to be a bit bigger of a deal than I originally thought, which is kind of naive on my part.

This thing was giving the student address at my commencement ceremony this past Wednesday. It wasn’t until I was behind stage with a coordinator, who was kindly showing me where I would be seated on stage during the ceremony, that most of the nerves hit me. The twelve drafts I had prepared for this night weren’t real until that moment, they were just other drafts alongside the other papers I was writing for my upcoming finals.

Even when I came face to face with Becky, our dear new president, it wasn’t real. It was only real when I saw my designated seat that a nice old man pointed out to me from backstage. Thinking back on it, this is just so silly since I knew I would be speaking since mid-November.

Lining up to process was just fine, since there were only five of us students. Walking on stage was also just fine. Learning that I was speaking before the actual act of walking across the stage to receive my “diploma”-- we just get the booklets to hold them, diplomas are actually mailed 2 months later!-- was also an addition to the nerves that had just set in. I was really hoping I was going to be more towards the end, since I did have a bit of punch for my ending.

Finally being on stage in front of my entire graduating class, seeing my and everyone else’s families as well as being filmed for the livestream and for recording all just rushed over me! But I kept smiling, trying to keep my composure since my turn to speak would soon be upon me.

And it was all too quick upon me. Soon I was blushing as one of our deans read off my jobs, activities, and accomplishments. Next thing I know, I am walking to the podium, still unsure if I was going to take the selfie someone suggested I do as a joke. Then I just went for it, saying “First, let me take a selfie," which was a joke in itself for everyone I know because I’m not exactly hip to the scene with modern street lingo, nor do I engage very often in selfie culture. With the audience chuckling, I felt a lot more relaxed, humor is my comfort zone.

With a big smile, I just launched into my greeting, and from there, the rest of my speech. I completely ignored some of my side notes to slow down in certain places, so I should probably make them more bold and colorful for future speeches. Because of this, I did rush a few parts that then affected my emphasis on certain words later or I started tripping over my tongue on longer words. Duly noted that going super slow for me is not super slow for the audience. I also noticed I was getting “sing-songy," as my speech professor and coach calls it, at certain parts. Also duly noted to practice my conversational voice more often in front of large groups of people.

But by the end, I was feeling that graduation vibe to my very core. I felt empowered to go out into the world to lead and influence, as the St. Kate’s mission statement states. I can only hope that my peers and maybe some audience members also felt empowered to go forth and make good change in the world as well. Looking back, I think I did a better job than I initially thought. When it was first over, I thought I was a mess. Now, I know when I got up there, everyone wanted me to succeed. No one was sitting in the audience wishing I would just crash and burn. And if they did, well poo poo on you!