A few months ago I saw a friend of mine had bought this journal to write in. The name of the book is "300 Writing Prompts" they also have one that has 500. I have been wanting it for a while because if you recall, I wrote an article about writing being almost like a counseling session. Well, this book has helped me through a lot of things when I started it in February. It gives you different prompts to write about some of them are full pages some of them are only half a page. I write in it every night before bed so I can clear some thoughts I have had during the day. The other day I wrote a prompt that really stood out to me because it was talking about going back into the past.
The book doesn't have any page numbers so I don't know what page you can find it on, but it's close to being in the middle of the book. It stood out to me because 10 years ago I was moving into fourth grade, which is where my life started falling apart. I know it might sound crazy to think a little fourth graders life could start falling apart so early but in all honesty, it really did. Fourth grade is where the bullying started and the next few years were when I was going to get in massive amounts of trouble for things I did not do. The prompt says ' If you could go back in time exactly 10 years and give yourself some advice, what would you tell yourself?' So here was my response:
' If I could go back 10 years I would be 10 years old. I would be moving into 4th grade. I would tell myself this:
You've already been through so much in your life. I know you're getting in a lot of trouble, but, it's not going to stop later in life. You just have to remember that none of what you're getting in trouble for is your fault. You have to learn to say no and to stay away from toxic people and I know you are desperate for friends but it's not worth it. When you get to middle and high school they are going to be the worst years of your life, but, without these experiences, you would not be the person you are today, which is wonderful. Do not change who you are, always keep your mind open and fall in love with the fact that you can be educated and still be you. Things you will go through are going to make you contemplate life and death. Just remember everything will be alright."
Do I really wish I could go back into the past? My answer is, I do not know. Sometimes I wish I could just to save myself and to tell my younger self to get my life together so I was not so, I guess, messed up inside. I do not want to go into the past because I do not want to relive the memories that have happened to me. Sometimes I want to forget about the past and wish it had never happened. But I also know that if these things did not happen to me I would not be the person I am today like I said. I know that I would be completely different. I know that I am working on myself and loving myself but I have come to agreement with myself, that I like who I am. I like my personality and nobody can change me.
