This week, I brought my boyfriend to my hometown for Labor Day weekend. We've been dating since the beginning of the summer. Although I know our relationship was ready for this step, it didn't make the experience any less nerve wracking for him or myself. There are times throughout the weekend where I could have made my boyfriend more comfortable; however, most of the interactions he had were productive and positive. At the end of the weekend, he brought me to a family get together so I was on the opposite side of things. So because of my weekend full of introductions and family, I have some advice to give you.
1. Give them the run down
Your partner might benefit from a little background on your friends and family before walking into uncharted territory. Even if they have no idea what you're talking about at the time, they will be able to gather the gist of what you mean and have something to think or talk about while around your loved ones.
2. Make introductions
In a larger group setting, it can be hard to make so many introductions at once but you have to. You are the link between your friends and family, and your significant other. If you ease them into the introductions, things seem to go a lot smoother. Make sure that you directly make those introductions, or at least ensure that they've formally introduced themselves.
3. Don't leave your significant other alone too soon
In a place that is unfamiliar to them, you are their lifeline. If you leave them alone for too long because they've had a chance to get comfortable, it can cause them to shut down a bit. Not mention, this gives your loved ones the opportunity to ask some questions that maybe they shouldn't be asking. Or gossiping about things you don't want them to know about.
4. Don't let them cling to you
On the other hand, do not let your significant other cling to you and follow you around for too long. You want your family to see that you're a strong couple, but you also want them to recognize each of you as strong individuals. Being clingy isn't okay either way, but clinginess in front of family members is not a good look for either of you.
5. Integrate them into the conversation
Bring up a topic that your partner knows a lot about. It'll help then open up if they're the one controlling the conversation. Giving them the upper hand in a place where they are vulnerable allows them to come out of their shell. If the topic at hand is something that relates to a story you have about your significant other, take the chance of bringing it up and letting them close out the story for you.
6. Don't overwhelm them
For me, this is the hardest thing. I have a lot of friends that I'm close with from my hometown and my family is heavily involved in my life. It was hard for me to put my partner in situations where he could thrive. It was also difficult to figure out how many people I should introduce him to without him getting overwhelmed. Find that balance before you leave.
7. Create a code word
My boyfriend is so polite and conscious of me so he has a hard time telling me when he feels uncomfortable. Even when I ask if he's uncomfortable, he lies so he won't hurt my feels. Create a code word in case either of you has and awkward encounter and want to leave. Ours is some thing we could easily bring up in conversation.
8. Find alone time
Even though your weekend will probably be packed with plans and people, make an effort to dedicate time to just yourselves. Don't forget that constantly putting them in unfamiliar situations for hours on end can be exhausting so recuperate together.
9. Reflect
Talk about what you both just went through. Seeing their perspective is not only helpful, it's fun to listen to. I was personally shocked by some of the first impressions that my boyfriend had to my friends. But it is also important to gather their thoughts and let them know you hear them.
10. Don't force a bond
Do not force your family to like your significant other and vice versa. Authenticity is a key part of building a relationship. Make sure that you allowing connection to happen without your guidance as well. If you feel like you have to force your family to like your significant other, it's probably time to reevaluate.
