Over winter break, I had the opportunity to go and talk to seniors from my high school about my college experience so far and give them advice on what I thought would help them be prepared in ways that I wasn’t. However, as I sat in front of the group of kids, my social anxiety took over and my mind went blank. This article is my do-over and my attempt to help incoming students. I entered college hoping for the opportunity to completely start over; I wanted to recreate myself just like everyone promised I would be able to. In high school I never felt like I quite fit in with a group of friends; instead, I always felt like the one who just followed along no matter what group I was with. When I was involved in sports I wasn’t one of the best players, when I was involved in academic clubs I wasn’t one of the smartest and it made me feel like I didn’t fit in. So, I had these high expectations of college and how I would meet the most amazing people in the world who were like me, and we would create a bond that would last decades into the future.
When I arrived on August 28, I was overwhelmed with a wide range of emotions. I’ve always had problems with getting homesick and, sitting on my bed after my Dad and sister left, the feelings were stronger than ever before. I called my mom on the phone and she reassured me everything would be okay and everyone was going to feel homesick for the first few weeks. The first thing that I want to assure incoming students is that this is true. At some point, everyone is going to face some sort of homesickness. Everyone will show it in different ways and it will affect some more than others, but it will always be there. Sitting on my bed crying I was embarrassed that I was already wishing to go home, but now looking back, there was nothing wrong with that. There is no problem feeling more comfortable at home, where I had been the past eighteen years of my life than this new environment.
As orientation week continued, I made connections with four other girls from my floor, and my attitude completely changed. I thought that it had finally happened; I had made my lifetime friends and nothing could break these bonds. In the beginning, the best part was that we all lived so close to each other so we could always be together, and we did not need to go and try to make other friends because we had each other. In this group of girls was my roommate and I had this desire to be best friends so I could go back home and tell everyone I was best friends with my roommate and it was like a sleepover every day. I think a lot of people have a similar desire for this magical college roommate experience. After a while, being together all the time began to take a toll on our relationships.
As I start my second semester, I do not talk to any of these girls I thought I would be friends with forever. This leads to my second point of advice, which is do not have the idea that you have to be best friends with your roommate. I’m not saying that you should hate your roommate, but not everyone clicks and if you need to switch roommates there is nothing wrong with that. It’s incredibly common for people to not love their roommate or to switch in the upcoming semesters. Also, there is no reason to only have one close group of friends. This was a mistake that I made. Instead, have a group of friends everywhere you go; have friends in each class, have friends on your floor, have friends in clubs, have friends everywhere. There is absolutely no reason to limit the connections you will make in college. You can make friendships with people you thought you’d have absolutely nothing in common with, and it may be one of your best relationships you make at college.
As the semester continued, the stress I felt multiplied, and this was something that I had definitely experienced throughout high school as well. I felt my anxiety worsen and I slowly noticed my depression creeping back into my life. Like most colleges, mine has a connection with therapists to allow students to set up different appointments to talk. After the unexpected passing of my great aunt, I decided I should try it out and see how it would help. I already had experience seeing therapists from high school so I wouldn’t be completely surprised by how it would go. After one appointment I decided I didn’t need help and if I couldn’t make it through by myself I was weak. A few weeks later I was hospitalized and missed an entire week of classes. I was actually lucky to go back as soon as I did and the reason I could is because of the mandatory meetings I would have with one of the college’s therapists. I am an incredibly stubborn person and I hate admitting I need help, but after this experience, I want to make sure everyone who reads this knows that I’m not embarrassed by it at all. There is absolutely nothing embarrassing about talking with someone once in a while, and it seems silly to me now that I ever thought there was. So my next piece of advice to everyone is to take advantage of what your school offers for counseling even if you really don’t think you need to. My college offers around twenty free counseling sessions per semester, and almost every college has something similar. Even if you are not dealing with such strong feelings as I was, it can be very helpful to have someone to talk to that helps you adjust to a new environment.
One of the final and most important things I’ve learned so far in my college experience is to go outside of your comfort zone and get involved in a variety of things, but make sure you do not overload and do so much you cannot handle it. In two different cases I watched friends take a high number of credits, get involved in multiple clubs, and then also get jobs on the side. In both of these cases, I watched their academics suffer because of the amount they tried to juggle. There’s nothing wrong with getting involved, and it’s actually a great idea to do this because you may find out that you love something you’ve never tried before. However, it is a good idea to start off slow and build up after you find out what you can and cannot handle.
