EXPECTATION: You work at your dream job. Each day is more rewarding and exciting than the last.
REALITY: You spend your shifts daydreaming about clocking out while scraping smushed french fries out of the carpet.
EXPECTATION: You come home after a long, yet satisfying day and still have enough energy to make dinner. The end result would make even the Chopped judges envious of your skills.
REALITY: You drag your ass to Safeway and pick up some microwavable taquitos. You don't read the instructions until you get home where you realize they take four and a half minutes to heat up. You decide that's too long so you settle on a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. You eat them straight from the bag. No bowl. No milk. No spoon. You wake up the next morning to find a cheerio down your shirt and two in your hair.
EXPECTATION: You're independent and knowledgable. You can handle anything life throws at you.
REALITY: You text your mom asking her how to make hard-boiled eggs. Her reply: "lol!!"
EXPECTATION: You travel all the time.
REALITY: Checking account balance: $23.76. Savings account balance: $1.01.
EXPECTATION: You have a lot of adorable animals and a huge house to accommodate them all.
REALITY: You own one plant and it barely has room on your desk. You bought it a week ago and it's already dying.
EXPECTATION: You're on time for work, class and social events because you're a grown person who has their shit together.
REALITY: You're not because you don't.
EXPECTATION: Your mental health is incredible. You never feel like everyone around you is handling adulthood with much more ease than you are and, in turn, you are never sent into a downward spiral of panic and despair. Existential crises are a thing of the past!
REALITY: You dropped a noodle on the kitchen tile yesterday and started whining about how nothing in your life ever goes right. To distract yourself from how pathetic you are, you go on Snapchat and see that one of your friends is apartment hunting with their S/O and another friend just got an offer to work at their dream job. You spend the rest of the day watching Colin Firth movies and shoving Cheetos in your mouth.
EXPECTATION: You're always hydrated and glowing because you are an adult and you can take care of yourself. The basic task of drinking water is something you mastered years and years ago, obviously.
REALITY: You spent two dollars on an app that sends you notifications reminding you to drink water... and you still don't do it. Also, if Britas didn't exist, you'd probably be dead by now.
