Before heading to college, being in a relationship is something that is typically never questioned. However, as college approaches, it seems that some people’s views on relationships drastically change. You are asked by just about everyone, “Have you guys talked about if you are going to stay together or not?” It even becomes assumed sometimes that you and your significant other are going to break up; a few times, I was asked, “So, when are you guys breaking up?”
Why are these questions asked? It’s because within our society, people believe that in order to have the “right” college experience, you shouldn’t be tied down to one person. “Don’t you want to hook up with people when you go out? That’s, like, what going out is about. Don’t you think you’re going to be missing out?”
Let me address these questions and comments.
“Have you guys talked about if you are going to stay together or not?”
What gets to me about this is that the topic of staying together automatically has to be discussed between you and your significant other, no matter how strong your relationship is. The reason it does is because of society’s perception on long-distance college relationships. It can’t just be assumed anymore that you are going to stay together, just because why wouldn’t you? Breaking up was never considered before. Because going to college means entering a new environment where the hook-up culture is so prominent, society has made everyone in a relationship feel that this discussion is necessary. So, of course it has to be brought up, but the sole fact that it does shows how much society has impacted the idea of long-distance relationships.
“When are you guys breaking up?”
What? That’s like asking when you are going to stop being friends with your best friend just because you are going to college. That sounds crazy, right? Believe it or not, it’s the exact same idea.
“Don’t you want the right college experience?”
I have had a perfectly great, and so-called right, first-year college experience while being in a relationship. In fact, I couldn’t imagine my experience without having someone there to talk to every day, to call after a stressful test, and to listen to me go on and on about the professor I hate, how the pasta in the dining hall doesn’t compare to the pasta at home, my fear of the fire alarm during overnight fire-drills, and so on. Who else am I going to FaceTime at 2 a.m. while eating an entire box of Cheez-Its after a night out? Everybody has a different experience in college. Everybody has large and small aspects that make up what their personal experience is. Having somebody that I know I can count on for anything completed my personal experience, and to me, that’s what makes a right experience.
“Don’t you want to hook up with people when you go out? That’s, like, what going out is about. Don’t you think you’re going to be missing out?”
First of all, that is not at all what going out is about. Going out in college is so much more than that. It’s about spending the night with your friends; the whole process of getting ready, taking an annoying number of pictures, getting overly excited to see somebody there from your class that you’ve spoken to once, and dancing the night away with the people you enjoy being around. If you are single and happen to score one night, go you! But it should definitely not be the sole purpose of a night out. There is so much more to it. If you are committed to your relationship, you won’t feel like you are missing out on anything (It’s not like you are at a singles meet-up; keep in mind you are among a ton of people who are in relationships). And these questions lead to another question that goes hand-in-hand.
“Won’t you have temptations?”
Nope. If you have a strong relationship, there really are no temptations. The way I see it is, why would I throw away what I have just to participate in the hook-up culture with people that I don’t know, and most likely will not get to know? That does not sound worth it to me. I’m happy; I’m not looking for anything more. If that applies to you, you will not feel at all tempted. I have so much fun losing my voice on the dance floor with my friends; the thought never even crosses my mind.
In the end, it is truly nothing but beneficial. Of course, it is an adjustment to not see each other as often as you are used to. It’s only natural to come across small bumps in the road, especially during the adjustment period. Of course you will miss each other. Of course, it will be different. But, whatever hardships you may face while being away from each other all become totally forgotten about when you get to reunite after a period of time away from one another.
And, looking forward to those reunions honestly gives you motivation to just study hard and get through those tests before you get to go home for break and reunite. When you are home and spending time together, every moment becomes sacred. So much thought and excitement is put into planning what you are going to do together when you are both home. That restaurant you’ve been craving every time the dining hall lets you down? It’s the first place on the list. There is so much to look forward to. Plus, I’ve met some of the nicest, friendliest, funniest, most down-to-earth people through my relationship. This gives me a whole other set of people to look forward to seeing when home. Of course, visiting each other is something to always look forward to, also.
There are truly endless benefits, and there is absolutely no reason to consider throwing away a strong relationship when going to college. If society’s perception of entering college in a relationship has made you question your own, do not question it any further. If you really are skeptical about it, my advice to you is to at least give it a try. If you don’t try, you will never know. Do not let any misconceptions scare you. You two are the only two people who know your relationship. You are the only ones who should be controlling your decisions. Don’t have any doubts. If you two are happy, you will stay happy. Chances are, if you believe it will work, it absolutely will.
