As silly as it feels to admit, this is about how a few years ago, I watched an episode of New Girl that changed how I looked at myself. The episode, Jess and Julia, addressed a deep-rooted issue that I’ve had with myself and others for my whole life: feminine traits being seen as weak. The show called to attention the dichotomy between the way women are perceived depending upon how masculine or feminine they act or present themselves. Guess what ladies, it doesn’t matter how you present yourself, because society is going to find something wrong with you no matter what! No matter how masculine or feminine you are, it always seems to be either not enough or too much.
In terms of feminine characteristics, women are supposed to be beautiful, dainty, and sweet. We are supposed to be caring, kind, innocent, and playful. Over the years, I have been taught that in order to be accepted by society, I need to perfectly exhibit each of these traits in just the right amounts and only then will I be valuable. I need to be caring and kind, but not so much so that I become exploitable; innocent, but not to the point of naivete, and playful, but not immature. But here’s the catch: even if I am all of these things, there is still the ever-present threat of not being taken seriously because of my femininity.
This is where the New Girl episode comes in. The main character, Jess Day, is a playful, caring, innocent Kindergarten teacher, who embodies every aspect of this femininity that we’ve been taught to value. This episode revolves around conflict between Jess and a serious, closed-off, gray-clad lawyer named Julia. Given their vastly different dispositions, they spend the whole episode butting heads. Despite the obvious not-like-other-girls attitude that littered this episode, Jess said something that really resonated with me: "I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours...but that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong." Sometimes, I feel like I need to print this quote out and wear it on a t-shirt. I can really relate to being seen as stupid and weak, or not being taken seriously because of my happy, “girly” demeanor.
Something I really pride myself in is my emotional strength. My family constantly tells me that I’m the strongest person that they know. Because of this great strength, I have even adopted the nickname Madd the Rock Johnson (okay I gave myself this nickname, but you get it). So why is it then, that my emotional strength gets overshadowed by my happiness and my kindness? Why should I be seen as any less strong because I’m goofy? Why should I have to open old wounds to prove myself to someone when I already know who I am?
The same can be said about my intelligence and my toughness. I’m sweet so I must be ignorant; I’m nice therefore I'm a pushover. Why should I have to prove otherwise, automatically on the defense, when I’m not the one making the assumption? Why is it that in women, even the most selfless characteristics are always coupled with negative connotations, when men get praised for simply not being horrible? I believe that this is because society values “masculine” traits. Or rather, traits valued by society are usually presented as masculine.
But wait, there’s more!
In this episode of New Girl, Julia, the more “masculine” of the two women, is the “bad guy” for lack of a better word. She’s a too serious, pantsuit-wearing, know-it-all, stick in the mud. But...wait a second.. If society doesn’t like when women are too feminine, and they don’t like when we’re masculine, what does society like?
Men! Society likes men. The overall truth of the matter is that society has had a bad habit of only finding women valuable when they have a purpose to serve in a man’s life (see the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope). This episode really made me think about how women, no matter how feminine or masculine they may be, can't fit the mold made for us as long as it is forged by men. Women aren't inherently weak, but rather we appear so under the weight of society's expectations. No longer am I afraid to embrace my glittering femininity in fear that I won't be taken seriously. While I know that there will still be people who make assumptions about me based on what they see, I know that I'm more than what anyone could assume by looking at me. I'm a strong, goofy, girly, animal-loving, tree-climbing, badass lady and I'm not going to do myself the disservice of letting society teach me otherwise.
