Temptation. Desire. Lust. Love. These are all the things our heads tell us to resist but our hearts urge to reach out and grab anyways. We told ourselves all those times that we were done but somehow we magically ended up in that same position again, as if we can’t find that invisible string on our backs to cut. Those moments you shrugged your shoulders and told yourself that you would pay for it tomorrow but right now, you aren't focused on that. Why the hell not, you think to yourself. Is it that we are addicted to the thrill of danger, or is just the comfort of knowing how it will all play out that keeps us coming back?
The truth is that we all know what is good for us. We were taught from a young age to eat our fruits and veggies but somehow we always found ourselves sneaking into the cookie jar. We knew it was best to be safe under the roof of your home and to be home by curfew, but when your friends pulled up in the middle of the night, you went anyways, knowing which stair steps wouldn’t squeak and wake your parents. We know that living an active lifestyle is important, and brushing your teeth three times a day is all in good hygiene. All these things we know are for our best interests, yet we still choose to break the rules. We all know that someone that is good for us. That person that would consistently be in our lives, would encourage us to grow, to be ourselves, and see our best attributes, even if they were shadowed by our mistakes. That person that's best for us wouldn’t keep us waiting. If they wanted to be there, they would be there. So then, why do we have a knack for only letting in the ones that destroy every good thing we see in a relationship, that make us beg for their attention, and question if we're worth their time?
Love is one of the hardest habits to break, especially when it is confused with lust. How many toxic relationships break up every week and post a picture a day later as if nothing changed? How many times do we walk away saying, “that was the last time” , but the minute your phone goes off, you magically appear back at their place? We are addicted to people that never fully choose us, and our egos can’t get enough of it. If that person told us to never talk to them again, and then one day, they choose to talk to us again, we rationalize it by saying that we proved to that person that we were enough all along. How dumb does that sound? It sounds like a waste of time to me. Pain only gives you lessons. It may be valuable, but it teaches us that it'll never fulfill us like honest love would. Yes, it is addictive to be so close to breaking down someone's tough, exterior wall. It seems that maybe the next time around you may actually defeat their demons for them and they’ll realize it was you all along. Stop doing this to yourself. It is a vicious cycle, a round-a-bout form of lust that disguises itself as love to keep you around for its own selfish needs. Maybe it’s not that we are addicted to the bad things; maybe we just aren’t ready to see the good yet.