My Acne Has Controlled My Life For Way Too Long

My Acne Has Controlled My Life For Way Too Long

Acne ruined my life, but I'm taking my life back.

Natasha Fenwick
Natasha Fenwick Dec 14, 2018
350
views

I have had acne as far back as I can remember. When my acne came, it came fast and never went away. It was fourth grade when my acne started, I remember so vividly because of the mean things my classmates would say, especially boys that I liked. The acne started on my forehead, very bumpy. I was only about ten years young when this happened, it's actually pretty traumatizing to get acne at such a young age.

In just a matter of years since my acne started, I've spent hundreds of dollars on over the counter cleansers and exfoliates. Some of these products only gave short-term results. I've tried any over the counter acne cleansers you can think of. I even started to use Lush products because I thought that since they were natural they would make a difference, which my skin loved but I wasn't always consistent with the products and they are a little pricey.

I never really knew what caused my acne. Many say it's hormonal or genetic, surprisingly most of my family doesn't have any acne problems.

Not until more recent years, I was experimenting to see if there are things that do make my acne worse such as dairy products. Which I did find that I had more breakouts when I consumed dairy products frequently, so that was something I decided to cut out for the most part. It is also said that your diet can affect your acne, which I found to be somewhat true.

As I've gotten older, I've started to hide it behind makeup. Except for when I just don't care and don't want my face to break out even more.

After all these years of letting my acne control my life, I am now taking my life back. I want to love myself whether I have acne or not but mostly I just want a solution. I have decided to seek medical help from a dermatologist to figure out what has been going on with my skin all these years.

I have so many unanswered questions I want to ask. I've even set up an appointment to get dermaplaning! People mostly know it as just shaving your face but it's way more than that. It is performed by an esthetician. It can be pricey, but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get beautiful skin. I am extremely excited and emotional to finally get a solution to my acne.

Natasha Fenwick
Natasha Fenwick Dec 14, 2018
At University of Kentucky

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
Mia McLaughlin
Mia McLaughlin Nov 12, 2017
1621257
views

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker
Mia McLaughlin
Mia McLaughlin Nov 12, 2017
At Michigan State University

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A Second Person Has Achieved Long-Term Remission Of The HIV Virus

A second man has had long term remission of the HIV virus.

Valerie Sepulveda
Valerie Sepulveda Mar 19, 2019
208
views

Over a decade after the first man, known as the Berlin Patient, was declared HIV-free, another patient may also be cured. Though it's too early for scientists to say for sure, the London Patient has been in a long term remission for around 18 months without the help of medication. Both men were treated with a bone marrow transplant. However, these stem cells carried a rare mutation in the genes that affect the production of the CCR5 protein, which HIV viruses latch onto to enter the cell. The virus cannot latch onto the mutated version of the protein, thus blocking its entry into the cells.

With the transplant of these HIV resistant genes, the body effectively builds a new immune system free of the virus.

After the Berlin Patient went into remission, scientists tried and failed to replicate the cure and were unable to until the London Patient, whose HIV count has reduced into undetectable numbers. While this is extremely helpful, bone marrow transplants are not a viable option to cure all HIV infected people, as it is an extremely risky process and comes with many side effects. Even so, scientists are developing ways to extract bone marrow from HIV infected people, genetically modifying them to produce the same mutations on the CCR5 gene or the inability to express that gene at all, and then replacing it back into the patient so they can still build resistance without the negative effects of a bone marrow transplant. There have also been babies whose genomes have been edited to remove the CCR5 gene, allowing them to grow up resistant to HIV.

This does not eliminate the threat of the HIV virus, however.

There is another strand of the virus, called X4, that uses the CXCR4 protein to enter the cell. Even if the editing of the CCR5 allows immunity against one strand, it is possible for a person to be infected with the X4 strand of the virus. Despite this, immunization against one strand could save a countless number of lives, as well as the vaccine that is currently in the stages of development for HIV. Along with the London Patient, there are 37 other patients who have received bone marrow transplants, six of which from donors without the mutation.

Of these patients, number 19, known as the Dusseldorf Patient, has been off anti-HIV drugs for 4 months. It may not be a complete cure, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.

Valerie Sepulveda
Valerie Sepulveda Mar 19, 2019
At Auburn University

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