So it's the second week of the new year, and chances are, even if you decided to make a New Year's resolution, you might have already given in and missed a workout or ate an entire pie in bed or something. One of my resolutions this year was to stop muttering. I decided that I would tell people what my resolutions were so they could hold me accountable, but when I told my friends, they'd tell me to speak up because I was muttering. So here's what I've learned from years worth of failed goals and resolutions, and what I've learned so far to really make them happen.
1. Don't be so vague.
Many years, one of my resolutions has been to exercise more. Uh, okay, but what does that even mean? I could walk more or make sure to buy more groceries so I have to lift more on the way home. And even if I exercise more, what if I decide to counteract it with eating straight up fat (which is a real thing that I have done in the past)?
Making wishy-washy goals is the wuss approach to resolutions. Make your goal something specific that you can actually track to see how far you've come. My cinema fraternity, Delta Kappa Alpha, has new ideas submitted for meetings by having people fill out a SMARTER goals sheet, asking if ideas are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, timely, available for evaluation, and a concept that can be readjusted to make the overall goal happen if necessary.
What do you really want to do? If you want to lose weight, how much do you want to lose, and what's a realistic amount of time to get there? How will you do it? Focus on the small stuff to get big rewards. When it comes to goals and resolutions, quality takes precedent over quantity every day and any day.
2. Be okay with failing.
My freshman year roommates are familiar with me talking about going to the gym and not going. My plan was to go two or three times a week, but if I didn't make it the first time on Tuesday, I'd be like, "eh, try again next week."
Take on your failures and don't let them stop you from pursuing what you want. My perfectionism sometimes prevents me from taking the time to own what needs to be improved on projects and I get too focused on trying to make something without flaws. There will always be flaws, and once you acknowledge that, there's little room for something like guilt or shame to push you towards regression (or like on This is Us, and have Kate be sad about losing her boyfriend and grabbing powdered doughnuts at the gas station).
3. Do it.
After a while, there's a point where your goals won't happen unless you stop BS-ing yourself. I am amazing at failing this last step. I'm great at telling people my goals that I want to achieve. I want to work out 2-3 times per week. I want to make music and get it out of my head. I want to write almost every day. I want to stop procrastinating, or at least regain my fear of turning in things on time. I want to learn Cantonese. I want to learn how to drive. I want to finish my college applications on time.
They're all things I've told people, and some of those I've completed. But as much as I might have let people know to keep me accountable, or made plans of how I was going to achieve my goals, it doesn't mean much of anything if I don't, you know, actually DO them. One of those self-help articles that pop up on your feed really jumped out at me this year: What are you willing to struggle for? Sure, imagine the end result of you as a healthier or happier person. If that helps you do it, that's great. But also think about what you'll lose by achieving that goal. Writing more means working through times when you don't feel like writing. Working out means the energy it takes to get over to the gym and the effort to maybe eat at least a little healthier than the two doughnuts you had for breakfast. If you want it that bad, the struggle is worth it as a means to a worthwhile end. If you don't, maybe you're just in love with the fantasy or idealization of it all.
In La La Land, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone's characters, Sebastian and Mia, have to make a decision on their priorities. As they fall in love with each other, they have to make hard choices about what jobs to accept and which risks to take and which compromises to make in order to try and create a better life for themselves. And that's where it hits home for us - at the end of the day, we're all just trying to live and live better. But to be better, we have to acknowledge what we're willing to struggle with and carve out goals and resolutions we believe in and are willing to work to achieve.
So let's do this, you and me. Let's stop talking and start doing, and then share with me how your progress is going. But when you give me an update, make sure I'm not muttering, okay?
