Don't get me wrong, I believe in true romance; only in the circumstances of others—not me. I choose not to seek the "love of my life" because I don't see the point. But it's important to remember that you should love with all of your mind, not with your heart; hearts don't have neurons, so there, sue me. An emotional attachment requires a bond created from trust, bliss, pride, and respect. Individuality is one thing; duality is composed of two individuals in a unique unity of yin and yang spiraling in harmony, like cogs in a machine.

I hate the idea of my friends trying to make an appointment with a brat who tapes cardboard wings on his back and randomly yeets heart-shaped arrows from nowhere, just to make people love each other, all within the course of a year. Just a reminder: Love is blind (literally) and the shit he does doesn't always work out for the best. But we don't need myths or legends to find love. This isn't a fairy tale in Dreamland. This is 2019 in reality.

That's why Tinder was made.

And eHarmony.

And Bumble.

And Christian Mingle.

And Badoo.

And all the other freemium match-making apps and sites that I'm too lazy to look up. If you want my opinion, these dating networks make fishing in the sea like a Reverse Hunger Games, mixed with the Twilight series' disco-ball plotline.

But hey, who am I judge? I'm just a guy writing an article about something I really don't get—and I really hope that it stays that way. I'm single, never to mingle, and I'm proud of that—and I'm not the only one. I like to be independent and find who I am as a person, and try to love myself for the way I am. I'm not eager to walk in a battlefield in the name of "love" and expensive sweets that come in a more expensive box, tied in a bow and sealed with a kiss. I just need friends and family who love me for the way I am. The only "heart" I need is a decent Kingdom Hearts III DLC—that's another story for another day.

Besides, who needs romance when you can have all the chocolate you can buy at an actual, discounted, and reasonable price?