As stated by loveisrespect.org, one in three adolescents in the U.S. are a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence. Unfortunately, abusive relationships within adolescence is becoming more and more prevalent. It could be because we are too young to comprehend the intense feelings of love. It could be because the person/persons involved in the relationship never had an example of a healthy relationship. It could simply be because of the two personalities that are coming together. Whatever the causes may be, it does not justify abuse.

I have pictured myself talking about this period in my life for a long time. I was and still am terrified. I am terrified of the backlash. I am terrified of my parents being ashamed. I am terrified of what others may think of me. I am terrified what others may have to say, but I am ready to share my story.

I am going to preface this by saying I am not looking to bash anyone by talking about my experience. I am not looking to offend anyone who has been in an abusive adolescent relationship. I am not looking to attack anyone who has been the abuser in a relationship or their families. I also want to say that I am not even close to perfect and have made many mistakes along the way. Despite all of this, I want to use my experience to help others. I want others to know that there is hope. This is not the end. You can get out of your situation and it will only make you stronger.

Like any naive high school girl, I was enthralled by the idea of young love. The thought of someone having unconditional love for me was the most amazing thing in the world. I was looking for a love that could only be read about in books. It could have been the old soul in me or my parents’ one-in-a-million high school love that created my unattainable expectations. Either way, I was a 16 year-old girl who had not yet been crushed by the world. I felt invincible and ready to find my high school sweetheart, or so I thought.

When I met my then partner, I thought that he was the kindest human being in the whole entire world. He was handsome, charismatic, and had a heart of gold. The first two months everything was seemingly great. There were no problems because I played by his rules. There were never any problems, really. Unless I hung out with my friends, swore, did not give him a punctual update on my whereabouts, everything was just peachy. This was love, right? All couples went through these kinds of things, right? It was something that I kept to myself for a few months and just hoped would stop. To no surprise, things got continuously worse.

If I “broke the rules” I would get broken up with on the spot. I would get slandered and would not be able to live down what a piece of shit I was. I would get disrespected until I had no self-worth left. I was past the point of being miserable, I was no longer Mackenzie. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or what was happening to me. I so desperately wanted to love and be loved back. I wanted someone I could connect with, so I stayed and I continued to stay. I cried alone every single day. I missed my friends to no end even though I had lost most of them.

This vicious cycle went on for months. I hated myself even more and I continued to blame myself for my situation. I still craved the picture perfect relationship, but ultimately knew that this was not it. The abuse had only gotten worse. I needed to get out and I knew it. I was finally ready to make my escape. I wanted to find Mackenzie again. I knew she was not gone; just extremely lost. I made the conscious decision to leave him. I wish I could say that it got better from there, but it did not.

As I was gaining my strength back, he was losing his. Stalking became a huge issue. He knew exactly where I was at all times without fail. Blocking him and deleting him on all forms of social media did not help. Changing all of my passwords or even entirely deleting accounts did not make a difference, he was still following my every move. I was sleepless for many nights. I refused to go anywhere alone or be out past dark. I was not sure if my phone was tapped or if someone was following me or keeping tabs on me. All I knew was that I had not made it this far to back down now. I was going to get to the bottom of this.

After about two months of backlash after I had broken up with him, I had finally figured out how I was being tracked. A large weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I knew that it would still take time for things to get better. I still had another year left of high school with this person and a lot of backlash to face. I wish I could say that I went back to school and had adequate support and help from various people and places but I did not. My support and strength came from myself, my family, and close friends outside of school. If I can give any piece of advice when dealing with a situation such as this one; get help immediately. Do not wait. Whether the help comes from your parents, someone you trust, or the authorities it does not matter as long as you reach out. I hope that by sharing my story it can help others know that he or she is not alone. You may get thrown shitty cards in life, but it is all about how you play the hand of cards you are dealt.

As for me, I am doing better than ever. I have fought hard to find Mackenzie in life and get back on track. It has been a difficult journey but each day gets a little bit easier. I am not perfect, I still do not have all of the answers and I probably never will. I continue to learn everyday about how to maintain healthy relationships with my friends, family, and my current significant other. Instead of allowing what happened to me define me, I have only used it to my advantage to make me a stronger and more successful woman.