It is not a weakness to ask for help.
The whole ordeal I had to face made me feel so small. And, it made it worse to feel that I couldn't handle this situation by myself. I felt so weak and worthless. However, the first step of getting help, the first step in regaining yourself, and the first step of re-establishing your mental health is probably the greatest thing you can do for yourself. It is so hard to put into action to be resolute with yourself to get help and realize that you don't have to live like that. You are so strong, and you get to decide who you add or subtract from your life or what makes you happy. That is your power, and you shouldn't ever have to compromise happiness. Don't let anyone take that away from you. There are so many resources on campus, especially at Rutgers. And, its so scary to go out and find them or wait for an appointment and talk about your issues. But, just don't forget that you are so powerful and amazing for going out and doing that.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable you need to cut him out.
No one should ever really make you feel uncomfortable. Real friends and people who understand boundaries don't emit weird vibes. Don't doubt your gut. If they make you uncomfortable, it's usually not you. They are crossing your boundaries, and thats important to you and different for everyone. It's not you. You are amazing.
Just because others are there for you, it doesn’t mean they understand
It's completely understandable that most people either have never lived through this situation or have never experienced this themselves, so they don't understand. It hurts that they don't understand and that they are there for you but not there for you in the way you need it. However, that support is always helpful. Surround yourself with people who will try to understand because they love and care about you. That love and support speaks for itself and that is also enough to regain your worth. To know that you are loved, even when you don't love yourself.
Time blurs events but also heals.
After some time of getting away and getting some space, I realized how much I had changed and how much I was hurt. It took a while and it was necessary to walk out and gain some perspective through distance. And, it was a very healing experience. And, although I thought I couldn't get through it at first and how I was feeling was terrible, time really did help.
Some people might not believe you.
While time gives you time to heal, it also did blur and make things better. Some things got left behind and all the details weren't exactly sharp anymore. And, when I began explaining my story to people, most details got lost, I couldn't retell the story correctly, or I forgot exactly how much damage I received. And, because I seemed put together and didn't want to show weakness, people just thought I was fine and it seemed like the situation wasn't as bad as it was. But, he made me feel how he did, and that will never change. I was at the lowest I was in my life, and that will never change. But, I wish I didn't have to open up past memories and relive them every time in order for people to understand exactly what happened. I wish I didn't have to open up the messages, remember the individual details, and start feeling the emotions I felt again in order for someone to believe me.
You will be emotionally exhausted.
Each time you cry or feel upset, that detracts from your happiness and energy. You will feel tired, and some of that is because mentality and happiness are extremely important to feeling in control and willing to go through the day. Each time I cried over this situation, lost sleep, or overthought, I would feel so tired and overall exhausted. It's normal and thats your body trying to cope. But, know you shouldn't feel this way, this is your abuser's power over you.
You are in an abusive relationship.
I wish someone said these exact words. These were one of the most relieving words I had heard after getting help. In many of these situations, when I was in my abusive relationship, I didn't realize it was abusive. I was blindsided because there was always so much hesitance and confusion of whether or not what he was particularly doing was okay. But, if someone really says those words- ABUSIVE- it really opened my eyes. There was always a negative connotation with that word, and I realized that what he was doing was wrong.
Go online and read off the signs of an abusive relationship.
I feel as so many people think that they aren't experiencing an abusive relationship, especially because they think their case is a unique situation. But, if you look it up and realize that your particular relationship follows most of those signs, it is abusive and that acted for me as a wake up call. You don't have to settle for feeling worthless. You are worthwhile. A relationship shouldn't follow any of these signs.
An abusive relationship doesn’t always have to be romantic
When I finally got help, I thought the term abusive relationship couldn't apply to me or doesn't because I've only ever heard of abusive romantic relationships. I didn't know I would get myself into one because he wasn't my boyfriend, and I didn't care about him in that way. However, someone can still overstep boundaries, be toxic, or be abusive and they don't have to be your significant other.
Honestly, now that the whole situation should be hopefully over. Although I am more broken than I've ever been, I realized after cutting him out, I have been the most myself I have felt in a while. I think that myself has always been something I had to find, and I definitely lost. It feels nice to be myself for once again and get that clarity of mind back.
- 8 Subtle Signs Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship ›
- healing after an abusive relationship ›
- 14 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship ›