In nine months, I found myself going from an extremely abusive relationship to a life full of love.
Sadly, many people in colleges and universities find themselves stuck in abusive or toxic relationships. While these relationships are happening, they seem impossible to escape. I found myself in this situation during the spring semester of my freshman year of college. I lived in a state of constant fear.
Unfortunately, during most of my relationship, I normalized and rationalized my partner's extremely abusive actions. For the longest time, I was so broken down that I thought I deserved what was happening to me.
I thought it was normal.
Once I realized that my relationship was toxic, I was too ashamed to tell anyone about it. I shut down and did not let people into my life. Before I knew it, I lost a lot of friends. This is not unique to me. After talking to other women in my life, I quickly found out how many collegiate women also experience this.
The good news is that it is possible to find happiness after abuse. In order to find this, first, you need to get out of the relationship. It was hard to even admit to myself that I wasn't responsible for his actions, but once I did, my life improved.
After I left my relationship, I embarked on a journey of self-love. I thought about how my relationship went wrong, and I decided to focus on healing. It took me nearly six months to find any form of happiness or self-love.
On this journey, one outlet I used for healing was my faith. Prayer helped me feel like I was loved and like I was not alone. Some helpful Bible verses include 1 John 4:8 and Romans 8:37-40. Faith gave me peace of mind that I felt I was missing.
Another outlet I used was writing. Writing gave me a way to express the emotions I was feeling. It let me be devastated, enraged, and open. Writing helped me find my expression again.
In addition, I learned a lot of lessons on my journey. I realized that if someone claims to be perfect, they are untrustworthy and extremely flawed. I also learned that the best kinds of love come from above and within.
Love will find you when it is truly meant to be. You will not find love if you're desperately searching for it.
Now I am in a very loving and healthy relationship. I have a deeper love and respect for myself and feel like a new woman. It was not an easy journey, but it made me realize how strong I am.
Being stuck in a toxic relationship feels like being trapped in an inescapable maze. Everything about it seems impossible to navigate, especially finding fulfillment after you get out. It is possible to find happiness. Seek help if you need it because you deserve health and happiness.