When people tell stories about how their parents beat them, it’s always interesting to see their face change because while I could easily use a coping mechanism to laugh off trauma and say "Yeah, me too!" but I instead say, “I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve that."
I recall sitting at a front table in Steak & Shake with my boyfriend, his best friend, and my cousin and were talking about our parents. My boyfriend was telling me in a joking way how he remembers being beaten with a belt because lied about his report card and told to get in the bath right afterwards. As he was laughing it off, I told him that not only have I experienced the same thing but that we didn't deserve it. And his whole face changed. Like it hadn’t occurred to him that it’s messed up that a part of remembering his childhood is remembering how badly it hurt to be beaten so badly at such a young age.
Another time I had a friend, who talked about how she broke a vase while playing around in the house. It was really expensive apparently and she tried to avoid telling her mother about in fear of her reaction. She even put on extra layers of clothing for the beating she knew she was going to get. She talked about how she was ordered to strip down to her birthday suit because her mother got even more furious at the fact that she tried protecting herself. And she was laughing and said “I was a bad ass kid” and I said “No you were just a kid”. And she looked at me and immediately stopped laughing and just sat there like “Yeah…I was just a kid. I don’t know why she did that to me”
Having parents who grew up in households where they call this "discipline" acceptable is a nightmare. You grow up not only in fear of your parents but you grow up in fear that one day you will become them. I sometimes hear my mother in the way I yell at my little brother and I have to immediately check myself, calm down and apologize. This is not acceptable discipline, and It isn't having respect for adults. It is fear.
We have to get comfortable challenging what is often seen as cultural norms. We have to be a generation of people who are not ashamed to say “I would never beat my child”.
