Absurd Comments Heard At Family Gatherings

This past week I was given the opportunity to spend a whole three days with my extended family. Maybe this doesn’t seem like a lot to the average person, but when your family is highly opinionated and half of them are very republican and the other half is very democratic, it can get a little tense. Between the political conversation, the random outbursts of thoughts, and children running around, I took notes. I decided to keep track of the absurd things I have heard over the past few days to find humor in it all, I hope you can find humor in this list too. I may have rolled my eyes 100 times during it all, but I got through it, learned to appreciate the family I have and got a laugh from their comments. Who knows, maybe my family isn’t as crazy as yours?

My 86-year-old Great Aunt

I was at a republican women’s meeting…

I gave a woman from my church a birthday card a month early.

I had a great time at your wedding but I felt awful.

When I took water aerobics I would always slip and fall.

My friend put her underwear in the microwave.

I’m voting for Trump.

Did you hear about Hilary’s emails?

Did you know Hilary is a lesbian?

Get me a beer sonny.

My heel is SO narrow.

Next thing I know, the dog is snoring.

A woman is watching TV at my house right now because she breaks all of hers.

I have 50 tea cups and I’m giving each of you one when I die.

The speed limit is 25 but I don’t like going 25. I go 40.

We have a social club in the building. Of course I’m the president.

My grandfather talking to my cousin

I hear you have a new friend (talking about my cousin's girlfriend that he has been dating for over a year).

My 12-year-old cousin (who also gave us a briefing on the presidential election for 15 minutes. I have no idea where she got her information.)

The only reason why I’m sad about leaving elementary school is Barry. Barry is my bus driver.

I don’t read books if they are less than 300 pages.

My Aunt

Do you know how to play Farkle? (I still have no idea what this game is???)

What do you guys want to listen to? (We ended up listening to a BBQ Rock Pandora station that played guitar riffs that were highly too intense for a family gathering).

My Mom

I’m changing the station. (Plot twist: She changed it to a Buddha Bar Pandora station that should be played while practicing yoga on an island, not on the Fourth of July).

Families are dysfunctional. Sometimes I think mine is a little more dysfunctional than others, but in the end they’re all I have. When I’m resisting the urge to bang my head against a wall, I really do appreciate them. So shout out to them for being them and not holding back anything when they speak.