A Letter To My Absent Father

To My Absent Father, We Are Bound By Blood, Not A Bond

Your absence taught me more than your presence ever could have.


Dear Father,

Our relationship will never be what it once was; I am no longer your little girl, you are no longer my coach or mentor and as far as you're concerned, the only thing that still makes us "father and daughter" is blood, not a bond. I will never understand how you went from being such an amazing dad to my siblings and me, to absolutely nothing. You completely broke my heart before any guy even had a chance to and I am still trying to pick up the pieces.

Even after the divorce, you were still there for us. You were there until you met a young girl and started a new family, but why did you have to leave your old one behind? She blurred your vision of reality and you guys made your own fantasy. You don't have a dime or time for your children in college, but an abundance for your new girlfriend, young son and your luxurious lifestyle. When mom made us meet her for the first time, I was skeptical, but I didn't fully know what she was capable of; I never expected her to have the power over you that she does.

I never thought you would not be able to see us anymore and that you would become as heartless as you are now. It will never make sense and I will never understand why you "couldn't see me." My siblings and I were always good, hard-working kids. We shouldn't be abandoned by our parent for simply being kids of a messy divorce. Your divorce with our mom wasn't our fault. Although I was the one that found out you were cheating, it was your fault and your actions. No child should feel worthless by their parent and I wouldn't wish that feeling upon anybody.

Sometimes I am grateful, but other times, I am solely hurt and angry. You have hurt me more than anybody else when you were supposed to be there for me. You always say you are never to blame, my feelings are fake and I'm victimizing myself but who else is to blame for our relationship, or lack thereof, when I've continuously begged for you to be a dad? You've taught me that I can't rely on anybody but myself, to be happy. You have forced me to find the strength within myself to be strong when I never thought I could be. I am grateful that I've finally realized that you aren't worth my time and tears; thank you for making me realize that some people just aren't worth the effort or sadness.

Growing up without you made me so much more appreciative of the good and supportive people in my life; so many people were there to step up and take your place: my mom, her boyfriend, my grandma, uncles, brother, sister, friends... the list goes on. I shouldn't have to beg for a father, I was a young and innocent child. I am not worthless; I am stronger than all the lies, tears, verbal, mental and physical abuse you have put me through. I hope one day you will come to terms with your actions and finally admit the truth after believing your own lies for so long. I will never completely forgive you though and I will never understand how you don't feel any remorse for any of the pain you have caused me or my family.

I have learned through my begging that I can't give you the power anymore to control my happiness. Although I should've given up months or years ago, you have shown me recently, especially in the past year, that you won't be there for me when I needed it most. One day, the power will be in my hands not to see you and I will be strong enough to say no to you, that you can't see or be there for me when it becomes convenient for you. Being a dad is a full-time job and you lost that title when you decided to leave us behind. We are bound by blood, not a bond, and I've finally accepted that.


Your "Daughter"

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