This goes for all the girls who celebrate Father's Day as just another day. This is for all the girls who never went to Daddy-Daughter dances. This is for all the girls who will not have a dad to walk them down the aisle. This is for the girls whose dad broke their heart before any boy could.
I remember being five and wondering why my dad was always sleeping in the basement when I came over to visit my family. I wondered why he never had money to help my mom and I, but always had money for drinking. Why my other family members had to walk me to school; why didn't he get out of bed? I remember him going to jail for months at a time and feeling like I had to get to know my dad again when he came back.
I was young and innocent. I didn't know that my dad was an addict. I didn't understand how much it changes someone, how selfish they become.
I remember being 15 and emergency custody being given to my father. I moved seven times in three years to various family members' homes. I recall living with him and having to beg him to come home and bring food because there was none in the house. I can still see the sunken in look in my face from losing so much weight. I remember pushing him in an argument and the guilt of letting myself get to that level of anger. I remember the drugs. Drugs were everywhere. I can still see the people in and out. Phone call after phone call. I remember begging him to stop. I remember pleading that I was scared the social worker would find out. I remember when he finally stopped dealing, just to start dealing again after three days.
Most of all, I remember when I gave up on him. The past year and a half has been the most peaceful time of my life. A world of no broken promises and false hope. I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't need a person in your life who puts you through so much. When I shut him out of my life, I gained so much more love. My idea of family isn't the same. Most of who I consider to be my family isn't related by blood. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I want to thank my father for the amount of time he did spend in my life. He wasn't always a bad guy, he meant well most of the time. Drugs got in the way. I wish him the best in life, where ever he is now. I sincerely hope that one day he finds a treatment program to work through his problems.
I come from a broken family, but in no way am I broken. Because of my dad I learned to be independent, a hard worker and a good person. I learned to say what I mean and I learned that promises should never be broken. Because of him I want to go further in life because I never want my children to live and feel the way I had to. I learned all these things by observing what not to do. Most of all, I learned that trying drugs or alcohol is not worth the risk.
I'm sorry Father, but I am not your BooBoo anymore. You are no Father to me. You don't deserve the title.
