I miss younger me. The one who couldn't spell anything, and who always made questionable fashion choices. I miss the one who was shy, and who would try anything to be special. Someone she was insecure, but she was loud. She liked to be right, and to let everyone know that she was right. When asked who wanted to share their project, their writing, their presentation, her hand always shot up first. She was confident in her work if not in anything else.

She loved passionately, and without reservation. People's judgment couldn't curve her enthusiasm as she talked on and on about the books, games, and movies she loved. In fact, their judgement didn't even seem real to her. She loved her combat boots, a hundred dollar pair that she always wore, until the shoes were perfectly molded to her feet. She liked those boots. She thought it made her tougher, made her stronger, gave her the strength to face anyone. She loved her teachers. The people that allowed her to learn, who she constantly impressed with her academic excellence. She will always love validation. And her first love, the one that showed her heartbreak and sorrow and that sometimes it is better to feel nothing than something.

This girl who has grown up still loves with everything she has, as if she has learned nothing. She is still desperate for validation, but only because the confidence in herself has slowly declined. She can't find the right answers or the right words anymore. It is better to be silent than to be wrong. She is constantly apologizing for who she is an how she feels, no matter how hard she tries not to do so. She has no time for books anymore, and games are a waste. Movies take to long, she could be doing other things.

I am not better or worse than who I was. I feel that for everything good quality I've gained, I lose one, but there is an infinite space for the bad ones. I've got so much more room to grow and so much more to lose and to gain.

Everyday I age and I can't believe it. And soon I will be forced to choose what I want to be, but I am to busy focused on what I am not.

I have changed to much in the the years since I was that girl. One day, this girl right now, will be just a different person, like a close friend that I've lost touch with. I will change so much, and soon I will lose so many friends that I will wonder if maybe I'm driving them away.