Dear Depression,
I do not remember the exact moment that we met or when you came into my life. I feel as if you have always hovered over me, even when I was too young to understand who you were to me. Your heavy hands always had such a strong grip on my shoulders and your words of guilt and sadness were always whispered in my ears. You never failed to convince me that I was not good enough in some way or another.
I eventually began to believe your words and I allowed you to make me smaller day by day.
I can recall when you took your hardest hit at me when I was thirteen. You showed no mercy on me. I know this because even when I was begging God through my tears to please help me, you stayed strong. You were like a heavy load on my chest that would not let me get up from the fetal position I was trapped in. You were a monster that convinced me my life was nothing but an empty hole of sadness and moments that would eventually push me to end life altogether.
You continued to torture me all throughout my childhood and you continue to do so now during my adulthood. What you failed to recognize was the strength I was quietly and secretly building up inside of me over time so that I could overpower you one day. It is true that I let you bring me down on several occasions but I had to. I was not ready to face you and I was not prepared to fight you with the end result being me standing and you crouching in fear below me.
I spent every day placing a little more light in my life. I surrounded myself with people that loved me. I looked in the mirror every morning and told myself that I was worth it and I was capable of anything, even on the days that you said the most hurtful things to me. I walked with my head held high even when the weight of your guilt was pushing me down. I even tricked you to believe that you were controlling me in my moments of weakness. I allowed myself to feel and when tears filled my eyes, I let you think that you won again, but in reality, I was reminding myself that I am only human and I deserve to let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.
I slowly but surely built myself up a little each day so that when this day came, I could conquer you.
Now here we are. It is clear that I did not vanquish you because if I had, I would not still need a big support system or medication to help me get through some days. However, it is clear who is in control now. My voice is more powerful than yours. When my tears stream down my face, it is because I conjured them to do so, not because you forced them to come. I see a bright future for myself now instead of the bleak nothingness you formed in my head so long ago.
My final words to you are: thank you! You have shaped me as a strong and resilient woman and I would not be where I am today without you. Finally, you are going to be my partner for life, so you better get used to being the inferior one in this relationship. Your answer to me now and every day until I am gone.
Sincerely,
Your Master
