We did this for almost 4 years, on and off. I always told people I was over you, but deep down I knew I loved you more and more every day. You made me happy and then all of sudden you just started showing me pain. I couldn't even be around you without arguing. You would get new girlfriends and bring them around me and I would have to act like I didn't care even though deep down, it crushed me. No matter what you did to me I would always love you. If it was anyone else I would push them away, but You I just couldn't. We always did this thing where we would try to be just friends, but deep down we both knew we couldn't do it because we still loved each other, but we both also knew it wasn't going to work.
I always asked myself, "why wasn't I good enough?" and I finally realized that you didn't deserve me at all. It was never me because I always made sure you were happy, I made sure you had everything you wanted, but you couldn't even love me the way I deserved. You don't even deserve this letter at all, but I have so many emotions in my heart that I just need to release.
I don't know what I did to deserve the hurt you placed upon me. I gave you nothing but love, loyalty, and respect. I never did anything that could possibly ever hurt you. I loved you, and I was there for you when you needed me. The feelings that you supposedly had for me were nothing more than a joke. I've been hurt plenty of times before, but it hurt worse coming from someone that promised that they were different.
We don't even speak anymore and I know that it is good, but there are days where I miss that stupid smile of yours, that dumb laugh and that stupid walk you had LOL. I miss you, I won't lie. I don't miss the way you treated me. I don't miss the argues, I don't miss the nights I cried over you.
I do not hate you for what you did. I thank you for helping me realize that I deserved better. I thank you for letting me go and not keeping this going. I thank you for letting me love you. I thank you for giving me someone that made me feel happy.
I wish things could've ended differently because who knows we might be friends to this day? I used to ask myself "why can't you let someone go that doesn't want anything to do with you?" and to this day I really don't know what the answer is. I wish I knew because if I would've known I probably wouldn't have waited on you for as long as I did. I was too afraid to move on because I thought maybe one day you would come back to me and we could've started over.
Now, that it has been 5 months without having you in my life I finally am happy with how my life is and how everything is going for me and my life. I wish you could see how good I am doing, but I see you have a new person in your life now. I hope that you never take them for granted. I hope you keep all the promises that you're going to make. I hope that you treat them right, love them and never lie to them. I hope that you do everything for them that you couldn't seem to make possible with me. I hope and pray that you never hurt them as you did me. I hope that they never lay in their bed at night crying, wondering what they did wrong.
Thank you for showing me that I deserve the world and nothing less. Thanks for showing me that I should never settle. Most importantly, thank you for not carrying on with the joke of making me think that you actually gave a crap about me. Also, please know that I am sorry if I broke your heart in anyway.
Lastly, I want you to know I am proud of you and "No" I do not hate you. If you ever needed me, I will be here to listen to anything you wanted to talk about. Keep being you!
I will love you forever,
Kalece
