Dear Pete,
I have had countless celebrity crushes during my adolescent years. I mean, I was an 11-year-old girl when One Direction made it big. I own Ryan Gosling earrings for Christ sake!! But let me just say, you are all my all-time celebrity crush. You are so adorable and hilarious. But most importantly, you are real. You are the most honest person in the business. After watching just one of your videos, I felt as if I had known you your entire life. You are so open with your struggles and find ways to make them funny. I love that.
One day, I had seen a picture of you online. I did not know who you were, so I asked my older brother. He showed me a video of the stand-up comedy skit you had performed on Jimmy Kimmel. My brother and I were both cracking up laughing- in fact, we then spiraled into a comedy binge-watching black hole. But your skit stuck out to me the most. I think it was because of how much my brother and I had bonded over your humor. You made us both laugh with your hilarious jokes.
Over the next couple months, I watched you become more and more famous. It was interesting to see how much you had changed from an on-the-rise comedian that was in a few SNL skits to a popular boy who was shocking the world. You were surprising me- and a lot of other people too.
Then, I started my sophomore year of high school. It was very stressful for me. I began to struggle with how I saw myself. I had always been sort of oblivious to how my peers saw me. It wasn't until this year that I began to see what my peers thought of me, and I sort of became aware of the fact that many people had misconceptions about me. A lot of nights ended in tears and sadness.
To get through these hard times, I started watching videos on YouTube of your SNL skits. Your Weekend Updates never failed to make me laugh. Watching you joke about Staten Island, Kevin Love, and Donald Trump's cabinet picks distracted me from the drama that is high school. Along with watching videos of you, I also researched you quite a bit. I learned about your struggles with BPD, addiction, the loss of your dad, and everything else that has shaped your life. I admired how you never hesitated to open up about the things you had experienced.
Then, one Saturday in December, you posted something on your Instagram account. You posted what was seemingly a suicidal note. I was distraught when I read this. I saw all the shit that you put up with on social media. But I never thought that we could possibly lose you. The thought of losing you made me so upset. I felt oddly guilty. You had been there for me when I was feeling low. While I was crying in my bed watching your videos, you were out there in the world going through the darkest times. I didn't know what had happened to you- the thoughts of you harming yourself was consuming me.
That incident was a couple weeks ago now. You seem to have all the support in the world from your great family and friends. It warms my heart to see you beginning to crawl out of the dark. I look forward to seeing updates on how you are doing via your fan accounts on Instagram. Last month, I thought I would never see another new picture of you with your tongue hanging out and your middle finger flying in the air.
So Pete. You are more than just my celebrity-crush. You are one of my idols. Sure, I still want to marry you one day, like I constantly picture in my head. But if I never meet you, let me just say that you taught me how to get through difficult times in my life. I have the utmost respect for you, and whatever you do, I will support you 100%. I'm sure my support of you will not make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but I'm okay with that.
Love,
Molly
