A letter to my son I will never see grow:

We waited for you. We prayed for your safety. We wanted you desperately. Your dad and I were so excited to meet you and love on you and care for you. You are our son, and I never want people to overlook that. You were here, and we met you and we held you- but we never heard you cry. We never saw what color your eyes were. We never saw you smile or heard you laugh. As I think about you, sometimes the thoughts of what we will never get to do or experience together, overcome the moments we did share. You loved your daddy.. and whenever he talked to you, you would move like crazy. You loved Mexican food, basketball games, night time, music and so much more. I wish you could've experienced this all physically. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, my sweet boy. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think of you. Every beat of my heart says your name. The day I delivered you, and I was done, I will never forget how silent it was.. what should've been the first moment I heard you and we all cried in joy and got to see our baby.. it was completely silent. The only sound you could hear was the shattering of our hearts. We were so ready to meet you, and that is not how it should've been. This is not how it should be. Unpacking your bag we packed filled with a take home outfit and diapers and pacifiers. Taking down a crib for the baby we will never see again on Earth. Having to fill out a death certificate instead of a birth certificate.

Planning a funeral

Arranging flowers

Writing an obituary

Picking out an urn

Calling family members

These are things no parents should ever have to do, yet here we are sweet boy.. I wish you could be here. Yet here daddy and I are, living in spite of it all. I love the photos I have of you.. I just wish I would get new ones, different ones, as you grow and change. But I'll never get to see that. I'll never get to see you on this side of earth ever again. I'll never get to tuck you in at night, or write letters to Santa with you, or go to holiday parties at your school. I'll never get to pack your lunch, go to your sports games or see who you would marry, or the kids you would have of your own.

To the son I will never see grow up: you are loved deeply, you are missed greatly and you are remembered forever💙