Dear randomly selected person,
Congratulations! You have not only won a college roommate, but also a new best friend! I hope you are as excited as me. Because I am extremely optimistic for what this chapter in my life and I hope that I can share that with you as much as possible.
I understand that from time to time you will be homesick. Despite what I tell my mom, I will be too. It is OK we can be homesick together.
I am not your mother so I refuse to clean up after the messes that you make in our shared space. Expect a detailed chore chart that may or may not be color coded. We are adults now so we need to clean up after ourselves if we don't want to live in a pig-sty.
Some say that respect is something that is not given, but earned. However, this rule is the opposite with me. I am willing to give automatic respect for another person until you give me reason not to trust you. Which is pretty difficult to do because I'm kind of a push-over.
You can trust me with your deepest, darkest secrets I promise that I wont tell a soul, lest I break the roommate code of honor.
The roommate code of honor fine print states, "If I believe you are in genuine harm, that there is a mandatory breech of confidentiality, but I will not tell anybody if you pee yourself a little when you laugh"
If you are hurting either mentally or physically, I will soothe you to the best of my ability. It's who I am as a person. Come to me when that girl/guy breaks your heart and I give you permission to get not all over my shoulder during your grown-up tantrum. Allow me to hold your hair back when you come home puking at 2 am with a "stomach bug". OR if you've partied a little too hard..
Due to the aforementioned puking deal, I believe it goes without saying that if you are ever unable to safely make it home on your own, do not hesitate to call me. I will come pick you up no matter where you are. I refuse to be the one that has to explain to your loved ones that you didn't come home last night.
If ever you are in need of a coffee or target run partner, I hope you think of me first. If you want to go get hash browns at 2 am, you only need to grab your keys. Sometimes we just need people in our lives we know that we can rely on, and chances are, I'm lonely too.
Unless you want World War 3, please understand tat the room has to be cold at night.
Also understand that If I make fun of you that' a good sign, it means that I trust you.
In the event that I piss you off, please don't hesitate to check in with me. We are not in high school anymore (thank God), so let's play like adult women.
I hope there comes a day when our youth is behind us that our children will play together at our joint barbecues. Don't worry, our google calendars will be synced.
Sincerely yours,
your new best friend and unconditional tampon provider.
