You are not alone and it's alright to ask for help dealing with it. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel betrayed. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. It's okay to cry, scream, punch the wall, it's okay to wish you could have your baby, sister, brother, parent back, because we all know once addiction takes over, it's not truly them anymore.

I know that, because I see you. I feel you. I am YOU. My sister has been a drug addict for 22 years. How she's not dead yet, I honestly don't know. I guess she just had the will to live. I've spent countless of nights, laying in bed and wondering "when?" When will it be her turn? When will this all end? My family and I have endured enough pain from her and it never seemed to end. I've spent many hours on my knee's begging God to end it all. Whether ending it was by letting her overdose one more time and finally dying or by her getting the help I yearned for her, for so, so long. Once addiction enters your life, it will never really leave. They can get "better," but how long does it last? Relapse always seems to come time and time again no matter how much better they are doing.

My sister was addicted before I was even born. And growing up, it was always played off as she was "sick," it wasn't until I was about 8 or 9 until really understood the true meaning of addiction. I remember all too well, when I found out. I was sick that day, so my mom dropped me off at my sisters house. She was in bed, she didn't send her kids to school and she spent the majority of the day in the bathroom. My sister's then husband and my dad both got off work around 6, and found my sister sitting on the toilet passed out with a needle in her arm. I like to think, actually I know for a fact my childhood was robbed by her. Our parents spent every waking seconds attending to her and her needs, trying to get her help, trying to get her to sober up, praying, screaming, crying and wondering where they went wrong.

As I grew older I quickly found out that she wasn't the person I knew and loved, she was gone and was replaced with someone I didn't know. She had one goal and that was to get high no matter what it took. It didn't matter if that meant she had to steal, lie, cheat, stab you in the back, whatever. She just needed to fulfill that craving of a high and she was gonna do whatever it took. She'd say whatever you wanted to hear if that meant you got off her back or helped her with what she wanted. She'd promise to go to rehab and get help, but when it came time to go she'd bail. She was VERY sneaky and knew how to get what she wanted.

I wanted nothing more but to help her, but she wasn't rational anymore. She was someone who would do whatever it takes to feel that high, to get rid of that pain, she would hurt the people that loved her most to get her drugs..

I know how bad it is to watch someone you love suffer and slowly die in front of you, but that's the only way you may be able to save them. You just have to watch and wait for them to hit that all-time low so you can hopefully see their highs again. It's okay to cut them out of your life. And you should. You can't keep putting your life on hold for them. You have your own life to live and yourself to take care of. You can't help anyone when you're broken yourself. Addiction is a lifelong thing once it takes hold of someone, and because of it, you just need to celebrate the small things. No matter how small because accomplishments are accomplishments at this point and they may be the only thing keeping anyone involved going. Also, those good memories you make when they're sober, hold onto those. The person you once loved is still in there somewhere. The addiction can't totally get rid of all that they are.

I know it hurts, but sometimes you need to love from a distance and that's alright.. I will never sugar coat anything or tell you it will all get better eventually because sometimes it don't, but it does get easier to cope with. Reach out for help if you need it. Addiction affects everyone around, not just the addict themselves. And sometimes, us who aren't addicted need help too. Getting help never means your weak, or sensitive, it takes a strong person to realize they need it.