9 Things That Happen When you Lose Someone Who's Always Been There

9 Things That Happen When you Lose Someone Who's Always Been There

Whenever we got together we always spent time talking, just the two of us, even if for only a few minutes.
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I think we’ve all had at least one person in our life who was just always there. For as long as we can remember, there was a person who seemed to be around you no matter what: birthdays, holidays, vacations, random afternoons. They were always a presence and life just seems complete with them there.

Mine was my great-grandmother. I can’t think of an occasion where she wasn’t a presence in my life. She was there from the moment I was born, on every holiday she was there to provide the family prayer before dinner, and on weekends she would always drop by my house to say hello.

I would never have imagined in a million years that Thanksgiving would be the last time I would see her.

I didn’t think I would lose someone I was close to until last year. I always knew it was a fact of life, but I never thought it would happen to me so soon. I sat at her funeral crying on my boyfriend’s shoulder over a month ago and since then I’ve realized a few things that happen when you lose someone you thought would always be in your life.

You miss the little things.

Whenever I asked her how she was doing she would respond with, “I’m going well for a young old lady.” She was wildly funny and would make jokes about everything. I think fondly of the days I spent at her house as a child with my siblings when we played board games and played with the endless little toys she had as keepsakes.

You smile at things that make you remember them.

Things like her beautiful singing voice, her surprisingly hot temper, her crisp red nails, and the way she was content to see anything artistic I would do put smiles on my face at random times throughout the day.

You cry at things that make you remember them.

It really hit me that she was gone during Christmas dinner. Whenever we had dinners at my house she was always sitting at the table to my right. It felt like something was wrong that day. I kept waiting for her to come through the door. Of course, she never did.

You remember what they taught you.

My great grandmother taught me a lot of things over the years. She was one of the people who instilled in me my love for music. Whenever I sit in my car, I think the summer she spent teaching me how to drive when I was 18 and how happy she was when I got my license that August. She taught me to love myself, that it was okay to be sensitive, and many more things that I will always keep with me.

You hope that they’re in a better place.

She’d always had a lot of health problems, from diabetes to arthritis. She suffered from cancer for a long time before it finally took her away. I like to imagine that wherever she is, she’s feeling better, she’s able to move without pain, and she’s singing her heart out again like she always did before she got sick.

You have regrets.

I regret not calling her more. I regret not having one more conversation with her on that Thanksgiving before she left us. I regret not spending more time with her as a child. I regret not listening to her tell me another story that I’ve already heard a million times. I regret not sitting down on the couch with her one last time and telling her about what I’ve been doing lately.

You tell yourself that you have no reason to regret.

As I have these regrets, I have to remind myself that there is no reason to. I did all that I could. I spent as much time with her as I was meant to. Most people don’t have the privilege of having their great grandmother around for 21 years of their life. I’m lucky that I had the time with her that I did.

You wish they could be there for your future.

I wish she could be here to see what happens to me next. She wanted to see me graduate college. She was excited that I’m a fitness instructor and I’m sure she’d want to see where I’ll go with it. She loved my boyfriend and I wish she would be here to see us get married. She would say we should have 12 kids and while that’s definitely not happening, I wish she could be here to see at least one of them.

You miss your special conversations.

Whenever we got together we always spent time talking, just the two of us, even if for only a few minutes. We told each other our fears and doubts or what was going on in the family at the time and how we felt about it. No matter what always made it a point to tell me that I was her first great grandchild and that made me her number one. “You’re very special to me,” she would say. “I love you so much.”

Cover Image Credit: Jessica Ricks

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Dear Mom, I Hope You Know

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.
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Dear Mom,

I hope you know that I appreciate you.

You are the hardest working woman I know, continuously putting your family before yourself. Thank you for doing all of the tedious jobs that no one wants to do like keeping the house in order, cooking the food, and doing the laundry. Thank you for constantly putting up with my siblings and I. Thank you for always supporting us in our interests and hobbies. Thank you for investing in our daily lives and listening to our minor problems. Thank you for always loving us unconditionally.

SEE ALSO: 51 Things My Mom Didn't Think I Was Listening To...

I hope you know I'm sorry.

I know I can be a big pain in the butt sometimes, and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, arguing with you, not listening to you, and making dumb decisions at times, but thank you for loving me anyways. Thank you for helping me stand back up, teaching me right from wrong, and pushing me to be the very best version of me.

I hope you know your love inspires me.

You live your life with a love that is contagious. Whether its nurturing love, tough love, friendly love, or romantic love, you have it all and you show it daily. The love you and Dad share is something I hope to find one day and the love you have for your family is evident in the way you constantly put us first.

I hope you know that you are my biggest role model and hero.

Ever since I was a little girl, you have been the person I have looked to in my life. You are strong, independent, confident, loving, supportive, and nurturing-- everything I strive to be as a woman and as a future mother. You give the best advice, even when I don't always take it. Though, I should know better by now because mothers always know best. Without you in my life, I honestly don't know where I'd be.

I hope you know that you are my best friend.

Not only are you my biggest cheerleader supporting me in everything I do, you are the person I talk to about everything, whether it's good or bad. I'm honestly so thankful for the relationship we share because I've had countless screwups and you literally give the best advice. Seriously, thank you for being the person I can count on at all times, at any time of the day or even night to just talk with. I mean we really do have some of the best conversations, best laughs, best cries (when needed), and the most fun watching cheesy chick flicks together or going on crazy shopping adventures.

SEE ALSO: I'm The Girl With The Cool Mom

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.

I don't mean to make you cry or anything -- even though you probably already are, but I want you to know that when the time comes, I'm going to be there for you just like all of these years you've been here for me. I will be there to support you, talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and love you for all of my life.

Honestly, I can't really imagine my life without you -- but it doesn't matter because I wouldn't be here without you, so here's to you.

Thank you for being you.

Love you lots!

Your daughter.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Love Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Each other, friends, family, YOURSELF

JordynL
JordynL
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During the holiday season, it can be rough. There's all kinds of stresses that take place, and some of which we can't control- and that's okay. With Christmas being around the corner, we always worry about what to get for certain people that are of monetary value, but we overlook the most important gift of all; love.

1. Each Other 

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In the world that we live in, there are struggles and always will be. Nothing will ever be completely equal and peaceful, though we try so hard and will continue to do so. But around the holidays, our country always manages to pull together as one, United, as we should be. We celebrate, raise money, donate gifts, clothes, etc., all to help out our fellow man. I personally think it's amazing that we can put aside our differences and "love thy neighbor" during these times because it just makes things more peaceful and worthwhile. It's important to be compassionate, understanding, and considerate. We can manage to do this around the holidays, so we need to remember and try to do this all year 'round. Lord knows that'll take some time, but we'll get there eventually. Just love each other.

2. Friends

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Love your friends. Always. If you're anything like me, you go through moments where some things are just too much. As a result, you don't want to worry or stress out your family, so you turn to friends- your second family. There have been (many) times where I wouldn't let my family be there for me, so I would turn to my friends for love and support. My family knows this and are understanding. My mom was actually the one that brought this up to me a few weeks ago and she expressed that she was happy that I had people to turn to like that; that I have friendships so strong that it's an option. Although she was happy about it, I know she is saddened at the fact that I feel that way sometimes.

Point is, appreciate your friends. Love your friends. Tell them these things. Part of who you've become is because of your friends; past, present, and future. They're always there when you need them, through the good and bad. Along with your family, they tolerate your bullshit more than anyone else, so make them feel loved and worthy- that you're proud to be sharing a journey with them.

To my close friends, some I see everyday and some that have drifted, I love you. I consider y'all my family. You know I don't have any siblings, so you are the closest thing I have and I appreciate you guys more than you know. Some of us have had some pretty heated fights, but we always managed to come back stronger. So Shelby, T, Cam, Faith, and Dalton: I love y'all so much. Thank you for everything.

3. Family

My uncle doesn't like taking pictures. Especially with how long it takes me to take them :(((

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Your family has put up with your shenanigans from day one. Or even before day one when you were kicking and doing all kinds of crazy stuff in the womb. And when you were born? Good lord. Your parents, your family, has dealt with everything that you've done your entire life. They laughed with you, disciplined you, and supported you through everything that you've done (whether it's behind the scenes or right up in everything). From close quarters or from a distance, your family has seen you grow and, more than likely, they are proud of you. They, especially your parent(s), deserve all the love you can give them because, after all, they gave you all of theirs and then some. They didn't do everything for nothing. They want you to succeed, even if they show it in odd ways.

As for my family, they've all had my back in different ways and I couldn't be more grateful (even when it seems like I'm not).

*My mom, my biggest fan and loudest cheerleader, has been there for everything that I've done: band concerts, marching band/winterguard performances, award ceremonies, banquets (even helping the Band Boosters when she could --and when she could tolerate them--), graduation, college tours, and every single move-in day. She's been my kick-in-the-ass all throughout school, ensuring that I do well. She's been my worst enemy, but most importantly, my shoulder to cry on when I'm upset or just so frustrated. She's been my *metaphorical* shrink, voice of reason, comedic relief, hero, and my best friend.

*My dad, my behind-the-scenes and occasional-audience supporter, fellow movie enthusiast, and opportunity provider. He's normally working so he can provide for my mom and I in every way possible, but always tries his best to be there for the super important moments: state championships, banquets, birthdays, graduation, college tours, even participated in move-in day this year! He's always up for a movie, and as far as I'm concerned, is MVP with this one because he got us tickets to EVERY midnight release of every. single. Twilight movie (when I was into it). Not a lot of dads would do that, especially for a midnight showing, but he did and I won't forget that- because we froze our asses off. He provided the opportunity for my trip to Europe, along with spending money (and added more when I ran out -different currencies suck-). He provides my college education so I can follow my dream (along with mom still giving me a kick in the ass so I get good grades). But more importantly, he's my hero (literally- because Veteran).

*My memee (reminder of the whole Midwest/southern term for grandma), my other best friend, my other biggest fan, gossip buddy, home away from home, voice of reason, and inspiration to go to OSU. You know how they say "like mother, like daughter"? (there's the dad thing too, but yeah) That may be true, but I've got a huge chunk of my memee in me and I always have. We were already kindred spirits and it's becoming more obvious the older I get. We never have to go out to have fun. We can just sit in the apartment, watch Law And Order: SVU, and gossip about whatever for HOURS. She's my partner in crime, and my designated "we'll do something even if it's wrong" person.

*My uncle, my designated college football shit-talker (I can't help that he picked the wrong team to support), protector against guys, STFU enthusiast, and another voice of reason. From a distance, and sometimes not from a distance, he's one of my biggest defenders in all aspects, especially when my mom and I are going at it. And at the end of the day, he supports everything I do (even if most of it is at the "wrong" school). By the way, Go Pokes Bub :)

I owe these people specifically the BIGGEST thank you and love. I wouldn't be who I am without these four. They've each pushed me to success and supported everything I've done, being the rowdiest bunch of people in a crowd. I don't normally say gushy things about or to my family, but here it is. I love y'all so much and I couldn't have done any of this without you.

4. Last but certainly not least, YOURSELF

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If you don't have love for yourself, it's nearly impossible to love anyone else (normally for relationships, but same concept). There's so much negativity in the world that makes us feel bad about ourselves, and it doesn't help that a large chunk of it is personal. Everyone can say whatever they want to you, but it will only bother you if you allow it. Don't let other people knock you off your pedestal, strip you of your crown, or take your thrown. You're a queen (or king) and you need to realize that. Love yourself. ALL OF YOURSELF. You're you for a reason. If you're going through tough times, remind yourself that you're better than that. You're better than what they say. You're better than what you allow yourself to believe. You're you. Embrace it. Embrace the sass, stretch marks, cellulite, whatever. Nothing can bring you down if you don't allow it. LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

JordynL
JordynL

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