Here we are, smack in the middle of summer. Some of us are busy working a dead-end job or spending every day trying to be productive in an internship we didn't want in the first place. For others, sleeping until noon has lost its glamour and the leftovers in the fridge just aren't cutting it anymore. We are itching for a good party and great memories.
The first few weeks at home are great, don't get me wrong. Not wearing flip flops in the shower is a luxury we've forgotten about, and a home cooked meal just sits in your stomach better than whatever crap you swallow at the dining hall. But it's hard to enjoy the comfort of home when you're overwhelmed by some serious post-college depression. The only way to comfort yourself is to crawl back into that uncomfortable twin bed at three in the morning, surrounded by pizza and good friends.
And so, I've taken the liberty of outlining a few symptoms you might be experiencing if it's time for you to go back to college:
1. Ridiculous food cravings
Not just any food cravings: college food cravings. The best kind. We're talking about authentic buff chick pizza from the best place on campus that always tastes better after parties at 2 a.m. ... for some reason.
2. You're tired of sleeping
I know, you never thought you'd say it, but sleeping until noon is getting boring. Being unproductive is so much easier when everyone else on campus is also a lazy degenerate.
3. You've run out of shows on Netflix
Congratulations, you've hit rock bottom. I have no words. Start packing your things because you needed to move back into school yesterday.
4. You've thought about exercising
This isn't nearly as bad as running out of things to watch on Netflix, but you're still at an all time low. It is here when you realize the only source of exercise you got during the year was trekking across campus in between classes.
5. You keep hoping there's a dage going on
... in your backyard. These days are too beautiful to waste on your couch and you're just itching to bring out the short-shorts, fratty tank top and beer koozie. Suddenly, that comfy spot on your couch isn't so great anymore when you realize the birds on your balcony are having more fun than you.
6. You start treating your pet like your roommate
Your goldendoodle has been your only source of companionship for the last two months and you're not so proud of it. You're constantly turning to him for life advice and sometimes you'll even ask him if he's "down to go out tonight."
7. You're dreaming about parties
We've all done it. It's a pretty sweet dream actually, and the party is pretty lit. But there's nothing worse than waking up and realizing you don't have a red cup in your hand that person you were hitting on didn't actually give you their number.
8. You live vicariously through your friends through social media
This is the most obvious sign of college withdrawal. It seems like the only way you get to see your friends 24/7 anymore is by constantly refreshing Snapchat stories and secretly hoping their summer is not any better than yours.
9. You look back at pictures from last semester and cry a little bit
This is the saddest stage of post-college depression and whether we like it or not, we've all been there. This is when you realize you have less time left in college than you did before. You reminisce on all the things you've done and wish you did. A gentle tear falls down your cheek as you text your group chat blackmail pictures from syllabus week while you make plans that will make next year better than the last one.
