I remember being a little kid and wanting nothing more than a bunk bed. And I didn't want just a bunk bed, I wanted to have the top bunk. I remember jumping from my friend's top bunk to the couch and then scrambling back up to do it all again.
Weren't those the days?
Now, well...now I have a fear of heights and I'm not nearly as limber as I was when I was five (I'm not even thinking about how bad it will be when I actually get old). I look back on those days when I flung myself through the air and wonder "where the hell did that kid go?" Cause I could really use some of that fearlessness.
Because, now, I have my bunk bed and I have the top bunk. And I hate it.
Maybe hate is a bit strong of a word.
It takes up less space, yes and it gives you and your roomie a little more facade of privacy, but really, getting into this thing could not be harder.But, without further ado, here is my top ten reasons the bunk-bed wish should never be answered.
1. THERE'S NO DAMN LADDER
I swear am I just supposed to swing myself up there? What am I supposed to grab when I get to that awkward part where my torso is over but I have no core strength so I still need to haul myself up to get into bed?
2. You could fall
I don't move when I sleep normally, but you never realize how much you do move until you're half awake and go to roll over only to realize the mattress is ending and you're about to drop several feet and break your back.
3. You risk breaking everything you hold dear
Wanna watch Netflix in bed? You better be very very careful cause it's a long long way to the floor and no laptop will survive that fall. You have glasses? Same thing. Good luck, Hermione won't be there to magically fix them if they fall.
4. No chance for "romance"
I put romance in quotes because romance should be more than getting it on in a dorm bed, but when you have the top bunk, this possibility becomes nonexistent. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND wants to do ANYTHING in a top bunk. Dorm beds are already awkward enough and I'm sorry but nothing is worth risking that fall. Not to mention...the top bunk is the one time you might actually break the bed....
5. Forgetting something important
Do you listen to music when you sleep? Did you forget your headphones on your desk? Now you have the awful decision between getting out of bed, making your cumbersome way down to the floor in the dark and then making the perilous trip back up, or you can just resign yourself to a night of shitty sleep.
6. Forging a path
When you have the top bunk, there is no such thing as "hopping into bed." It's a process. Some people arrange their desks, chairs, sometimes even fridges (though you probably shouldn't be stepping on those) just so they an get a leg up into bed. Getting down is equally as challenging and about 3x more terrifying.
7. When something falls
Hearing a loud thunk and knowing something just fell out of your bed and really hoping it a.) wasn't breakable/important and b.) won't leak because you are not getting your ass out of bed and climbing down there to pick it up (See #5.)
8. When your mattress starts sliding off the bed springs
I have this very irrational fear that I'm going to roll over one day and while I'll still be on my mattress, my mattress won't be on the bed springs anymore and I'll fall into oblivion.
9. Putting sheets on your bed
Like how? Seriously does anyone have an easy hack for this? It's like trying to put sheets on the bed when cats are on it - except YOU ARE the cats.
Please send help.
