Between the partying and the procrastination, perhaps the biggest mistake people make in their college years is majoring in English. While there's nothing inherently wrong with the study of great literature or the practice of writing it, English as a major receives a bad rap due to its lack of clear career trajectory. Lest anyone change their major to something "safer" (aka more lucrative) too hastily, please consider the following highly practical list of what to do with an English degree.
1. Frame it.
While doctors frame their degrees for proud display in their offices, too many dusty English degrees lay forgotten in attics and closets. Just because you're ashamed of your degree doesn't mean you should act like it!
2. Take your paper shredder for a test run.
Just make sure all important documents are a safe distance away.
3. Go to grad school in an entirely different (aka more lucrative) field.
It's never to late to pretend business has always been your true passion.
4. Disappoint your family.
Self-explanatory.
5. Use it as a bookmark.
Degrees are just expensive novelty souvenirs.
6. Teach English. (WARNING: cliche alert)
As the saying goes, "those who can't, teach."
7. Become a barista (WARNING: cliche alert)
As the saying continues, "those who can't teach, make skinny vanilla lattes for people with real jobs."
8. Be the Hemingway of our time.
You've always said you're the next great author, so just do it already! Why aren't you famous yet??
9. Develop a laissez-faire attitude toward health insurance.
Ignorance is bliss! Just don't have an accident with the aforementioned paper shredder.
Regardless of how you make your English degree work for you, be prepared to answer the question, "English? What do you do with that?" for the rest of your life.
