1. Ok, let’s do this.
2. I’ve got my metrocard, I’m ready to go.
3. I’m in the subway station and there’s already a black puddle of identifiable liquid.
4. I’m ok. I’m low maintenance.
5. I’m swiping my card.
6. I’m swiping again.
7. I’m swiping a third time.
8. Insufficient funds?
9. Literally missing two cents.
10. Ok, where’s the metro card machine?
11. Great, there’s a line.
12. I’m 11th in line.
13. This should go quickly. How long does it take people to get a metrocard?
14. It’s been 4 minutes.
15. It’s been 8 minutes.
16. It’s definitely been 17 minutes.
17. And there are still 7 people in front of me.
18. Why is this person using three different credit cards?
19. Just put your money in and press the buttons.
20. How difficult is this?
21. Ok, I’m next.
22. I’m refilling my card.
23. Great, I accidentally pressed the wrong language.
24. Let’s do this again.
25. Too late.
26. There are 4 people behind me and now I’m stressed.
27. Guess I’m learning Spanish today.
28. Ok, it decides to tell me now that it’s not accepting cash.
29. Let’s do this again.
30. Got my card. Let’s get this show on the road.
31. I’m swiping.
32. I’m swiping again.
33. I’m swiping slower.
34. Faster.
35. Literally the exact same speed I did the first time and it works.
36. Ok, whatever, let’s get to the platform.
37. The train has literally just pulled up.
38. And I’m 53 feet away.
39. Time to become an Olympic runner.
40. Ok, bye train.
41. It’s all right. I can wait.
42. It’s really cold on this platform.
43. Seven minutes later: it’s really hot on this platform.
44. Oh look a little kid.
45. They’re so cute.
46. No, don’t do that.
47. Stop, you’re really close to the edge of the platform.
48. Where is your mother?
49. Father?
50. Nanny?
51. Companion dog?
52. Good, they’re coming to sit on the bench.
53. How is this man on his phone?
54. We’re underground.
55. Ok, here comes the train.
56. False alarm.
57. Here comes a rat and it’s trying to fit in a soda can.
58. You’re not going to f—oh man, he fit.
59. Ok here comes the train for real.
60. Rat, move.
61. Rat, save yourself.
62. Oh my gosh, where is he?
63. He can’t get out of the can.
64. The train is literally four seconds away.
65. Rat?
66. RIP Rat.
67. Kidding, he’s scurrying into a hole.
68. What a little jerk.
69. Ok, time to get on.
70. I’ll sit here.
71. There’s a baby screaming.
72. Never mind. Let’s change cars.
73. There are no seats.
74. It’s ok. I’ll stand.
75. I’m only on here for 17 stops …
76. Why is this person next to me?
77. There are about 15 different places to stand.
78. Cool, reach up for the pole above me.
79. Nope, I’m totally cool with your armpit in my face.
80. It’s excessively hot in here.
81. And it’s minus three degrees outside.
82. Ok, we’re moving.
83. No idea what the conductor just said.
84. I’m already exhausted.
85. Oh look, the rat.
