Having a loved one with depression can be difficult, but one must understand the illness first. Clinical depression does not equal sadness, as the stereotype leads us to believe. It can be oversleeping or eating, undersleeping or eating, unexplained anger, or just plain emptiness. The person may feel completely alone without even their own emotions accompanying them. There are times when a flood of emotions will get taken out on loved ones, and there are times when the person just tries their best to feel "normal." Yes, depression is hard, and no, you cannot heal the chemical imbalance they have in their brain. However, there are ways to help these people fight it:
1. Give your friend a reason to get out of bed.
It could be as simple as making plans with them. Ask them to be your workout buddy, get breakfast in the mornings, go for a hike, or even just a phone call or text every now and then could make a huge difference in their day.
2. Listen when your friend talks to you.
Let them know that what they have to say is important, whether you feel it is or not. If you remember something they have said in the past, that is even better. This will reassure them that they are important to you and that you enjoy hearing from them.
3. Know your friend's insecurities, but do your best to not comment about them.
This probably seems obvious, but hear me out. For example: If they are insecure about their weight and you say, "You look like you have lost weight," this can seem like a compliment, but a person with depression may take it as, "You looked fat before, but you are getting there." Obviously, that is not the intention, but it is best to just leave it alone. Rather than picking out their specific insecurities to compliment, try to just tell them they look beautiful or handsome.
4. Show your friend you care.
Sometimes words are not enough. Show them with actions that you are thinking about them. Send them a text when something reminds you of them. When they are sad, bring them their favorite snack. Write them a note, and stick it in their locker. These actions do not have to make a scene, but little gestures of effort will make your friend feel special and loved.
5. Compliment your friend's abilities.
It does not matter whether they are good at sports, music, makeup, art, academics, etc. They may need your words of affirmation to reassure them of their talent. Do not assume they know how special they are. Tell them.
6. If your friend is feeling depressed, ask them what they need.
Every person is different in what type of support they need. Some need advice, some need somebody to rant to, some need a hug, and some just need to be left alone to recharge.
7. Know what your friend likes, and support it.
Do not ridicule what they like. This can really bring the person down. When in their car, listen to their music. If they like a certain animal, send them cute pictures of that animal when you see one. Give that person all the support possible.
8. Try to understand.
Your friend may be having a rough day, and they may accidentally take it out on you. Try to understand. This person does not want to hurt you. Notice when they are having a problem, and do your best to help them through it.
Although you may have needed advice, if you took the time to read through this list for a loved one, you are already making a difference in somebody's journey through depression. It is not a fun one, but you can make it much easier on them.
