Thanksgiving break is arguably the best break from school all year. It usually comes at a time when every college student is in the middle of finals or under a pile of work and those precious four days off are always necessary for the preservation of everyone's sanity. Whether or not you have seen this scarily accurate SNL skit, we can all learn some very important lessons from it and make going home this Thanksgiving break even better. So sit back, play the video on repeat, and learn from its wisdom.
Lesson 1:
Having your mom or dad be your personal valet, raiding the fridge, and doing necessary laundry is completely acceptable and in fact encouraged. For three months we college students have had to take care of ourselves, eat gross dining hall food, and wait for weeks to do our laundry because we are either too broke or too lazy. We deserve to have our bags carried, faces stuffed, and laundry done dammit! If our parents missed us enough, then doing these three things shouldn't be a problem.
Lesson 2:
There is no shame in having a shrine of you in your own home. Everything I have ever done in life should be framed and hung up. Parents need to remember who their child is and how special we truly are.
Lesson 3:
Paying for things out of the kindness of our hearts while on break is not a thing. We have to support ourselves while in school and as a welcome home gesture our parents should pay for three Starbucks venti lattes in one day and that cute scarf at the mall. Also helping with the preparations for Thanksgiving dinner is just not happening. I should be able to sleep in on Thanksgiving until 3pm and be greeted by a lovely dinner when I walk down the stairs. Getting an education is hard, being greeted by a plethora of food upon arising is not.
Lesson 4:
Talking about our lives to our neighbors is a part of life that we unfortunately can never and will never escape. It's not our fault that our neighbors think our lives are just so interesting that they need to assault us with questions every time we go home. This, however, is a blessing in disguise. This gives us our one chance to talk ourselves up! My neighbor Jonathan doesn't need to know that I am failing all my classes and effectively have no life. As far as he is concerned, I cured cancer this semester and won a Nobel Peace Prize.
Lesson 5:
When our parents go to bed, it is our time to shine. We can finally do everything we have been dying to do all semester but couldn't because we have roommates. This includes but is not limited to, walking around naked, waxing your mustache, and listening to all the music you are too embarrassed to play out loud in front of others.
Lesson 6:
PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE FAST WIFI! For four full days you can watch Netflix without waiting 20 minutes for an episode to load. You can watch that pirated movie off of a Chinese website and not have to pause it every three seconds to let it buffer. Your phone data can finally have a rest and maybe even last till the end of the month.
Lesson 7:
Bowls of free shit all over the house is pretty baller. The frequency of said bowls always increases during the holidays and in my house they are usually filled with candy. Even though the numerous bowls of candy push me closer and closer to getting diabetes, the causal drive by handful of M&Ms is what the holidays and being home are all about.
Lesson 8:
Even though I plan to fully exploit my parents while I am home and barely lift a finger, the most exciting part of going home is seeing my parents. Because to be honest I missed them just as much as they missed me, probably even more. So when you go home for Thanksgiving, tell your parents you love them and bear hug them till your arms hurt, then mosey on over to the couch and mark your territory.
