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8 Times Thou Art Literally Fortune's Fool

Even Hamlet doth not know the pain of being a Millennial

Julian Rosenblum

Sep 14, 2015

Yale University

102

8 Times Thou Art Literally Fortune's Fool

telegraph.co.uk

The plight of the Millennial doth know no end. When Romeo proclaimed "O, I am fortune's fool," he didst not even know the halfth of it. Thus, presenteth 8 ways in which thou art literally fortune's fool. Most literally, indeed.

1. When thy true love swipeth left

O, fair and gentle maiden. Why dost thou not even consider my other profile pictures or the fact that we have a mutual interest in decorative soaps? Thy judgement is swift and thy swipe absolute. Alack, such wretched social norms.

2. When thy pumpkins spiceth no more.

When autumn sheds its last leaf, O woeful pumpkin, where goeth thy spice? 'Tis that selfsame spice that thou needst in order to produce thy eternal latte. Fortune looks with disdain upon the deities of Star and Bucks.

3. When thy snapchat be screenshot'd.

Woeful, wretched selfie, glistening ignobly upon the glass! Wherefore dost thou choose to preserve that which embarrasseth me so? A plague on both thy Facebook and thy Instagram! I am sped.

4. When too many miscreants are using thy Netflix account.

Leeches, all of you! Begone with thy roguish House of Cards and thy errant Orange is the New Black. Whilst thou indulgest, I chilleth not.

5. When thy song cometh on the radio but it be a remix.

Such sacrilege! How dare these heathens desecrate the song I hold so dear. O, how I am powerless at the hands of the blasphemous disk jockeys. Fortune, thou art a tease.

6. When thy Ikea purchase hath too many small parts.

Man knoweth no frustration like the selection of the proper screw to go into the darkest depths of Swedish boards. Cursed be the instruction bearing parchment that provideth no help for the common man.

7. When thy neighbors maketh too much noise.

Heinous cacophony! Doth thy party know no end? 'Tis but a few hours ere the rooster's crow. To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub.

8. When thou canst no longer even.

O, to even and even and even without relent. Such blissful joy. How fortune can taketh mine ability to even with such ease.

Now is the winter our discontent, O Millennials. Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer the Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune, or to just post thy grievances on social media, I know not.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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8 Times Thou Art Literally Fortune's Fool

Even Hamlet doth not know the pain of being a Millennial

1. When thy true love swipeth left

2. When thy pumpkins spiceth no more.

3. When thy snapchat be screenshot'd.

4. When too many miscreants are using thy Netflix account.

5. When thy song cometh on the radio but it be a remix.

6. When thy Ikea purchase hath too many small parts.

7. When thy neighbors maketh too much noise.

8. When thou canst no longer even.

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There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

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14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

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18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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