As winter break recedes further and further into the past and summer slowly approaches, many Colgate students are scrambling to get a job, internship, or research gig lined up. The stakes are high; after all, employment defines your worth as a human being, right? If you're freaking out about summer funding applications, the internship hunt, research interviews, your lackluster LinkedIn profile, not to mention essays and midterms...take a breath, take a break, and enjoy this gif list. We're all in this together.
1. "I need an appointment with Career Services ASAP. Good thing they're booked until after graduation."
Remain calm. If you can't get an appointment before summer funding or internship applications are due, you can hit up Career Services during the walk-in hours that they're having this week. From 5-9pm on Wedesday in the Batza room, or 1-4:30 on Friday in the Coop conference room, you can get your resume certified and ask questions.
2. "Not sure what a stipend is, but there's a comma in that number so it must be good."
A stipend is a nice tidy way of getting paid for your work, but make sure to do some ~math~ to figure out if it's a fair wage. If you get a $3000 stipend for 12 weeks of full-time work, you'd be making below minimum wage...but $3000 for ten 15-hour weeks is a different story.
3. "Does Snapchat filter proficiency count as a technical skill?"
Let's be honest, the way you artfully layer the slo-mo filter with the Chapel graphic and the temperature is a talent, and deserves to be on your resume.
4. "I haven't spoken a word of Spanish in three years... Maybe I'll just change 'advanced' to 'conversational'. Perfecto."
You always pronounce "carnitas" correctly at Chipotle, and that's almost a conversation, right? Right.
5. "They want a rising Senior, but I'll be a rising Sophomore...They don't want me."
Apply anyway! At SophoMORE Connections last month, one of the most helpful things I learned is that the requirements on a job/internship listing are more like a wish list. One of the panelists said that when writing those listings, employers list the qualities of the ideal candidate, knowing full-well that such a person may not exist. If you don't fit the criteria to a tee, but your resume is impressive and you present yourself as a hard-worker who's ready to learn, they might just forget the criteria altogether and hire you. At the end of the day, no sane employer is going to pass up on a great candidate to wait for a perfect candidate that may not exist.
6. "When they say 'unpaid', is that open to negotiation? What if I ask really really nicely...?"
Unpaid internships are pretty much the most ridiculous inventions the world has ever seen, but that's where summer funding comes in.
7. "Which is more important...writing this cover letter or studying for Orgo? Either way, I'm gonna be crying in an hour."
Take a breath, make a rough outline of the cover letter (type out some experiences you'll want to mention, references, maybe some fancy adjectives to describe yourself...but don't take more than five minutes brainstorming) and then STUDY. The coming weeks are going to be crazy, with application deadlines, midterms, essays, exams, and so on, so you'll need to put some serious thought into your priorities. One of those priorities needs to be passing your classes. If you let applications monopolize your time, you run the risk of getting some not-so-hot grades that could hurt your GPA. Remember: this summer will come and go, your internship will end, and then you'll be back at school. So do your future-self a favor by setting aside a chunk of time on a day when you know you won't have too much homework to tackle those applications.
8. "If you want a resume, cover letter, multiple writing samples AND letters of recommendation, be prepared to read the words 'hard-working and dedicated' at least 73 times."
Remember: the more you say it, the more likely they are to believe it.
Knowing that your peers are in the same boat as you probably won't help you get a good internship, but it might just make you feel better. Now get back to work, those apps aren't gonna submit themselves!
