During the summer, I spend more than 50 hours a week within the walls of Lifetime Fitness, a luxury fitness center and club equipped with a spa, café, child care center indoor and outdoor pools, saunas, hot tubs, basketball courts, a chiropractic office…the list goes on.
I am constantly surrounded by gym rats and marvel at their sculpted muscles as they “put in work” to maintain them. I also bear witness and have relationships with many of the traditional characters one would associate with a gym—guys dropping their weight stacks, couples working out together, Lulu-wearing lifting girls, cardio junkies. They’re all there. Here are eight thoughts I’ve had at the gym, both while exercising and observing other Lifetime Fitness members:
1. Wait…you’re a personal trainer?
There’s one at every gym. The “personal trainer” who, while not morbidly obese or significantly overweight, just looks like your average Joe.
2. You had to pick the machine next to me?
You’re at the gym at some obscene hour, trying to get a quick cardio sesh in before bed or work or class. There’s no one in sight for miles. Until that one smarmy runner decides to choose the treadmill right next to you. Now everything you do is a competition until you nearly fall off going 10.2 miles/hour trying to outrun the guy.
3. I bet all of your Snapchat friends will love that mirror selfie you just posted.
We’ve all seen it and (though we hate to admit it) have probably done it. You’re doing dumbbell chest presses and catch the feels for your reflection after hitting your one-rep max. You glance to your left and right before snapping a quick, carefully hidden muscle pic. Don’t worry, only everyone saw you.
4. Don’t look at me don’t look at me.
I feel this way almost constantly when I’m at the gym. Whether it's dodging the gaze of a judgmental personal trainer who is probably critiquing my form and exercise choice or speed-walking to the locker room with my eyes locked on the ground, I hate being watched. Unless I look sexy and muscular and my makeup is perfect and my booty is poppin', please, for the love of God, look away.
5. What the...? Wow. Okay. I have to try that.
Those crazy bodybuilding ladies (and gentlemen) have some out-of-the-box moves going on, especially when it comes to the glutes. Most of them require extreme balance or flexibility, so whenever I find a remote corner to give them a try (safely out of sight of any onlookers between sets), I either look like a complete idiot or end up nursing some throbbing body part on the floor. I’ll stick to my forward lunges next time.
6. Got enough towels there, hun?
I respect you for knowing you’re a profuse sweater, but when you’ve got three wrapped around your neck, tucked into your shirt, or done up on your head like an elaborate hairdo, you may have taken it a little too far.
7. I'm that girl that is shamelessly singing and dancing.
I have a banger of a playlist for my workouts filled with all the tunes that I scream, “This is my SONG” to whenever they come on. Whenever I'm on the treadmill, I’m sure to be spitting Kanye or doing a slight dab to the beat drop.
8. Do you have direct deposit set up to go straight to Lululemon?
Whatever job is financing your head-to-toe Lululemon outfit and your Porsche in the parking lot, what is it and how can I get it? I sometimes think Lulu must be sponsoring these gym rats to advertise their clothing. I in my old T-shirt and generic leggings will be over here.
We all have our insecurities at the gym. Some people do weird things that attract our attention. But what we have to remember is, at the end of the day, we’re all there to better ourselves, even if we are wrapped in sweat-drenched towels or forwarding our mirror selfies onto our lifting buddies.
