In third grade I was diagnosed with anxiety. Recently, I've learned to accept my anxiety as a part of who I am; without my anxiety, I wouldn't be me. Every day since my diagnosis has been a constant struggle. Although medication has helped tremendously, some days are still incredibly difficult. Throughout my journey with anxiety, I've found various ways to cope: reading, listening to music, getting some fresh air, etc. However, I've also noticed things that don't help. Here's a list of 8 things you should avoid saying to someone with anxiety and some things you can say instead.
1. It could always be worse.
This only heightens my anxiety by causing me to think of all the things that could go wrong, or ways in which the situation can get worse. In reality, I know that I'm incredibly blessed, and that there are people who have it worse than I do. However, when my anxiety is at its highest, I'm usually not thinking straight; this comment will often cause me to lose sight of the bigger picture.
Instead try: "I know this is hard for you."
2. Just don't think about it.
If it was that easy for me to turn my thoughts on and off, I wouldn't be anxious to begin with. Not only does telling me this cause me to think about the thing that is making me anxious even more, it makes me more anxious because I can't stop thinking about it.
Instead try: "When you're ready, let me know what you need."
3. Calm down.
This has to be the absolute worst thing to tell someone who is having an anxiety attack. The times when my anxiety is at its worst are the times that I want more than anything to be able to "calm down," but the thing is, I can't.
Instead try: "I'm here for you."
4. I get anxious sometimes too.
Yes, everyone gets anxious from time to time. However, when you suffer from an anxiety disorder, you are constantly anxious; there is no sometimes. While medication can help, it doesn't cure anxiety or make the constant anxious feelings disappear.
Instead try: "Do you need anything?"
5. It's not a big deal.
What seems like nothing to you often seems like the worst thing ever to someone suffering from anxiety. Simple things like being late, wearing a new shade of lipstick, or even leaving class to go to the restroom can be very difficult for someone with anxiety to deal with.
Instead try: "I will always be here for you."
6. I know how you feel.
Unless you also suffer from an anxiety disorder, chances are you don't know how I feel. You probably don't know how it feels to stress about every little thing every minute of every day. Even if you think you know how I feel, please don't tell me you do.
Instead try: "How can I help?"
7. Why are you even anxious?
Sometimes I'm able to identify the source of my anxiety, but most of the time, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that's making me anxious. A number of things can trigger my anxiety, and sometimes several things will be the cause of an anxiety attack.
Instead try: "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
8. Pointing out any flaws, bad habits, or weird quirks.
Please, please, please do not point out any flaws, bad habits, or weird quirks that someone might have. Anxiety is often coupled with low self esteem, and this can affect someone more than you think. While it might not consume our every thought, your negative comments will always be there, in the back of our minds, as a constant source of anxiety.
Living with anxiety is a constant struggle, and it can often make you feel like you're alone. If you know someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder, the best thing you can do is simply be there.
