I am an Autistic man. If you don't know me them I'm sure that based on that fact you've formed some kind of an idea of what I'm like. I have nearly no doubt that sometime in the past 5 seconds an image of Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory popped into your mind. However, if you were to ask someone who does know me they'd probably tell you I'm just your average Joe (pun intended). The fact of the matter, however, is that both parties are wrong. The thing about me is that, while I do come across as a completely average person, my brain is wired completely different from everyone else's. The problem is that nobody can see another person's brain, what processes happen inside of it. That's why I'd like to give a few thoughts on what it really means to be autistic.
Disclaimer: This is a list of my own personal perspectives on being autistic. As you'll learn in #1, Autism is a spectrum and thus I cannot speak for everyone's experiences. Take this with a grain of salt and ultimately try to learn a variety of other perspectives on this topic from other people on the spectrum if possible.
1. Autism is a spectrum
The National Institute of Mental Health defines Autism Spectrum Disorder as such: Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is the name for a group of developmental disorders. ASD includes a wide range, “a spectrum,” of symptoms, skills, and levels of disability.
People with autism can be characterized by difficulty communicating, repetitive behaviors, limited interests, impaired or underdeveloped social skills, sensory issues, and much more. However no two people with autism are exactly alike and not every person with autism experiences it in the same way. We can experience all or only some of the characteristics of autism and to varying degrees. Sometimes the severity of these characteristics can impair or even completely disable an individual. Many people however, only face mild to moderate impairments from their autism and are labeled “high functioning.
2. It's an Identity
Many people who work alongside people with disabilities are taught the concept of “People First Language”. In simplest terms, rather than saying “Disabled people”, one would say “People with disabilities”. This is to refrain from limiting a person to just their disability. For the longest time I saw myself as broken because of my autism and it was a great source of shame for me. However, I eventually recognized that that wasn’t true and came to see my autism as a strength rather than a weakness. So, for the same reason that people in the Deaf community prefer to be called Deaf because their identity is linked to their Deafness, I prefer to be called Autistic. My autism is intrinsically linked to who I am and I’m proud to refer to myself as an autist (a person with autism). However, not everyone finds identity in their “disability” so it’s best to use people first language until you know for sure.
3. People Try to Erase Me
Again, many of the people who know me probably wouldn’t know I was Autistic if I didn’t tell them; I’m not typical of all people with Autism. I couldn’t count the number of people who have told me that I’m “not really autistic”, or that I’m “too normal”. What people don’t know however, is that I worked long and hard and received a lot of counseling and intervention as a kid to be where I’m at today. Saying things like this only undermines the work I’ve done to get where I am.
4. I’m not sick and I don’t need “cured”
There is a common misconception that Autism is a disease that needs to be cured or ‘fixed’; it isn’t. Some people have accepted that I used to be autistic but have implied that I have since been “cured”. This is a toxic belief that only stigmatizes and hurts people with autism, especially children. Rather than seeking to “cure” people with autism, it’s better to give them the supports, resources, and interventions that they need to function.
5. Sometimes I don’t pick up on the subtler stuff
Impaired social and communication skills are probably the most common characteristic of people with Autism and I’m no exception. As a child there were a lot of social norms, nonverbal cues, etc… that I didn’t pick up on. With a lot of help and training I was able to learn those and I’ve since become quite the social butterfly. However for me, these skills aren’t always automatic. I have to consciously read into people’s paralanguage to be able to pick up on it so sometimes things fly way over my head and communication gets mixed up.
6. Every day is a bit different
Some days I experience my autism in completely different ways than others. Some days I have more trouble with sensory processing than others. One day loud noises might not phase me at all and others they may be very overwhelming. Sometimes I find the need to self-stim and you’ll see me flap my hand or rub my lips. Some days I’m an extroverted social butterfly and others I don’t want anything to do with people. Every day is a new experience and I have to take them as they come.
7. I see things differently and have different processes than most
One way of thinking about Autism is the brain being a computer. People with neurotypical brains are wired in a very simple fashion that is common among most people. Neurodiverse individuals such as people with Autism have computers that are wired in a completely different way. The process has the same result but the wires take a different path. What this means is that for me the world is painted with a different brush; I see things from a different angle and I do things differently from most. What may be obvious to others could take me a little longer to figure out. Conversely, some things that seem complex to others make perfect sense to me.
8. There is so much more
I can't put all of my experiences into just one list; it could go on forever. Just know that with any identity comes a lot of perspectives and different experiences and everyone should strive to come to a better understanding of each and every identity that they come across. Listen to people, hear their stories.
