I grew up with a brother who is exactly two years, one month, and three days younger than me. He is a hockey player, a computer science whiz, mac n’ cheese enthusiast, and he has Asperger syndrome. Aspergers is a form of autism spectrum disorder that affects the ability to socialize and communicate. My brother sees the world in ones and zeros while I see the world in colors and shapes. Growing up together meant learning to understand the way that we each see the world, and realizing that one way isn’t better than the other. So with his permission I’ve decided to compile a list of my favorite lessons that my Aspie brother has taught me.
1. Routine is everything
I can tell you what my dinner was on a random Tuesday of 2006. We’ve been having the same 7 dishes on loop since I can remember. I also learned how to skin any kind of meat. I’m not exaggerating when I say he can take the skin or seasoning off of anything you give him in under a minute. Our family vacations didn’t change much for most of my childhood. We went to the same city on the same week every single year because for an Aspie family, routine is vital.
2. Tags, buttons, and seams on socks were created by the devil
I can’t tell you how many times I listened to arguments about why socks needed seams. When he wore shirts with buttons before hockey games, he wore two T-shirts under them. I learned very quickly that I couldn’t just pick him up from hockey to go somewhere. We had to go home so that I could let him shower and put on shorts and a T-shirt. However, there was never a chance of us being late.
3. Friends are for life
Loyalty comes before everything else for my brother. He has had the same best friends since he was in kindergarten. They’ve spent so much time at my house that they’re part of the family. Meeting new people isn’t his strong-suit, but I know when he does he’ll never be lonely because for him, the friendships he makes are lasting.
4. The importance of order
The number of fights we had over our shared bathroom probably reached the triple digits. God forbid I leave my contact solution out of place. My brother has his spot on the couch, at the table, and in the car. Even when I mess with him and take his spot, he’ll stand there saying my name until I get annoyed and move.
5. The value of introverts
I’m an extrovert in part because my brother is an introvert. We do a lot together, so we developed a system at an early age. I would do the talking when it was necessary, and he would do the sneaking around if need be. We liked to do a lot of exploring, which sometimes landed us in places we shouldn’t be. He would walk like we knew where we were going, and if someone asked us I would talk. He was great at going unnoticed, and I was good at getting people on our side. An extrovert and an introvert make pretty good partners in crime.
6. Brilliance is not limited to neuro-typicals
My brother is brilliant. He can tell you the most obscure facts about anything. Especially hockey. We’ll spend hours talking about stats and anything else he could think of. I know more about that sport than I ever cared to learn. If you challenge him to a debate on literally anything, good luck. He’s got the facts on his side. He may see the world differently than I do, but that doesn’t make him any less incredible.
7. The art of the argument
My brother has an amazing sense of justice, even if it’s sometimes misplaced. He can argue about anything, and he’ll win. If someone is anti-gay, he’ll give them 100 reasons they’re wrong. This skill does have its drawbacks. He can and will spend hours arguing about how babies are weird, why he is the next evolutionary step, or why the volume can only ever be set at increments of 5.
8. Differences require interpretation
As I said before, my brother sees the world differently than I do. Because of that, I learned to interpret the world for him, and he learned to interpret himself for me. It sounds one-sided, but it’s not. He can’t always express his emotions, so I learned to tell when he’s upset and help distract him. He learned to do the same for me. In my mom’s words, “I interpret the world for him and interpret him for the world.” Just because people on the autism spectrum sometimes have trouble processing emotion doesn’t mean that they have no compassion. He takes my bad days and tries to make them good, even if he can’t understand what’s wrong. He sees the world in black and white, so I show him the grey. In return, he shows me all the different pigments hidden in the black and white.
My brother is different, but so am I. We complement each other. We help each other. I know that he will go to war for me, just as I will fight for him. Autism isn’t an error. It’s a completely different operating system. It hasn’t always been easy growing up sharing a bathroom with a kid on the spectrum, and we fought with fervor as we learned to understand each other. But through all that, he taught me some of the best lessons I could have learned. Lessons I apply to my life now. He isn't just a guy on the spectrum. He is compassionate, brilliant, hilarious, and so much more. My brother and I are probably closer than most siblings, and I wouldn't change him for the world. I will always be his champion, and I know he will always be mine.
