8 Stages of Going Out Sober

While there’s a stereotype that college is just a bunch of drunken children, that’s not always the case. Whether you’re not participating in drinking to get more house points, because alcohol destroys your body, or you have strong morals against drinking, especially if you're under-aged, we’ve all gone through what feels like a four-hour death sentence: being the sober one at a frat party.

1. Pride

Yes, you have taken the initiative to save your body and dignity tonight. You’re just going to go out and have a lot of sober fun. Who needs alcohol anyway? You’re fun without it.

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2. Disgust

I can honestly say I’ve seen nothing grosser than a frat house. This time you are can fully recognize what an awful combination spilled drinks and sweaty dancers make. Between the smell of vomit and your shoes being stuck to the floor, you are fully disgusted, and don’t even bring up the bathrooms. (Seriously, why do frats never have tp?)

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3. Regret

Everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives, and yet you're still disgusted by everything around you. Although you love being around your friends for the night, there's a sense of feeling left out as they trip over their feet and you are as cool as a cucumber. Plus, if one more person asks if they can you get you a drink, you may scream.

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4. Instant Relief

They just played a rager from the early 2000’s/late 90’s ("Stacey’s Mom", "1985", "Fergalicious", the list goes on) and the night could not get any better than screaming the words to your favorite song with your favorite people.

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5. Buzzed

Although you’re not drinking, the vibes around you make you start feeling like part of the party, and you’re just coming down from the high of the song before. What's even better is that you are still aware that you aren’t a good dancer and don’t try to prove to 100 of your classmates otherwise.

6. Exhaustion

This is the time that you’d be going to get a 1,500 calorie meal that you’d regret the next morning, but all you can think about right now is how comfortable your bed is and how uncomfortable jeans and these heels are, and whose bright idea was it to make jeans so tight that if you “drop it too low” you’re out twenty bucks?

7. Defeat

The night has won this one, and you hit the hay before the fire alarm is pulled at the frat. You’re in-between feeling like your grandma and feeling like a real-life adult.

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8. Pure happiness

You woke up to the sun shining and the birds singing and you didn’t hate everything. You aren’t hungover like everyone else and you are ready to conquer the day. Even though last night was an emotional whirlwind, there’s nothing better than not spending you’re entire Sunday throwing up, washing alcohol out of your hair, and most importantly, not having to do those things but knowing that there are some unfortunate souls who will dedicate this beautiful Sunday to just that.

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Even though being the sober one sounds like the worst thing you could do to yourself in college, it’s not all bad once you get through all the stages. Plus, you’ll remember every detail of the embarrassing stories the next morning to re-tell your friends over brunch.