"I think we should just be friends." "It's not you, it's me." "I just need to focus on myself right now." "I met somebody new." We've all been there. No matter how it happened, being broken up with is the worst. You're flooded with an array of emotions—confusion, loss, sadness, hopelessness, and even anger. Your friends suggest that you all get together on a Saturday night, eat a whole carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, drink a bottle of wine, and watch The Notebook. This girls' night makes you feel a little better, but what happens when your friends leave? What happens when you wake up the next morning to the agonizing realization that you've just been dumped? How do you feel better when your friends and family aren't around to make sure you don't go insane? Here's a list of easy and simple things you can do every day to slowly but surely mend your broken heart.
1. Honor your feelings.
Although it's important to remember that life will eventually go on, honor your emotions. Nobody is expecting you to be perfectly fine after you've just gotten your heart ripped into two. Be gentle with yourself. If you need to cry in the middle of your day, excuse yourself out of the situation and allow five minutes to cry or be angry. Then, go back to doing what you were doing.
2. Make playlists.
I've always found music incredibly therapeutic. Music can empower people and make you feel better or even validate your feelings when you're sad. When I went through my most recent break up, I had one playlist consisting of Sam Smith songs and the song Troy and Gabriella sung when they broke up in High School Musical 2 for when I was sad and a playlist of empowering Beyoncé and Rihanna songs when I was feeling like a boss.
3. Don't reread texts or look at pictures.
We've all been guilty of rereading old texts or looking at pictures from happier times to remember "the good old days." But doing this will only make you feel worse about things not being the way they used to. Instead, when you feel like you're about to read old texts, text/call an old friend and catch up with them!
4. The same goes for social media.
You don't have to block them from Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat/etc., but you shouldn't go out of your way to look at their profiles. It'll only hurt you more when you see a Snapchat of them at Belmont Park with a new fling or wondering who that pretty girl is next to him in a picture on Instagram.
5. Change their contact name.
A good friend of mine used to change the contact name of every guy who treated her wrong to "Stay MAD at him." This can be helpful for two reasons: 1) When they text you in the middle of the day saying that they miss you, you're reminded of all the hurtful things they've done to you 2) On a Saturday night after one too many drinks, you won't be able to text them because you forgot what you saved their number as.
6. You don't have to get rid of everything.
Or at least not right away. It's okay to still have some framed pictures up or one of their sweaters in your closet. Take down the pictures and donate the old sweaters when you're ready to let go. Getting rid of things slowly, one by one, helps you ease into the idea of them not being part of your life anymore.
7. Refocus your energy.
Being in a relationship takes up a lot of time and energy. Focus all your newfound resources on a new hobby or even something you've already been doing, like work or school. After my most recent break up, I took my time and energy to Culture Shock Dance Center in Old Town. Just as long as you're doing something for YOU that makes YOU a BETTER YOU.
8. Take your time.
Breakups are hard. They're emotionally exhausting and take a whole lot of time. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take the right steps to true healing. You will eventually learn from all this heartache and it'll make you a stronger person. Take your time in this healing process to find out who you are and what you need to be a better you.
"The come back is always stronger than the set back."
