It’s no secret that Red Hot Chili Peppers are the gold standard of rock-punk-funk lyrics. Vocalist Anthony Keidis is responsible for their often-introspective deep waxings on life. Here are a few passages that I particularly relate to.

1. "Go Robot"

You will find your flow when you go robot
I want to thank you and spank you upon your silver skin
Robots don't care where I've been
You've got to choose it to use it, so let me plug it in

In this song, Keidis details his love affair with a robot. This song really speaks to me, because I’ve also always wanted to have sex with a robot. A machine that could be calibrated to deliver the best possible sex is an enticing proposition.

2. "Ethiopia"

E I O I E I A
Something good gon' come your way,
just look out your door.
E I O I E I A
Tell him what you wanna say,
no matter whatcha moutin' girl.

I love nursery rhymes, and Old MacDonald is one of my favorites. So imagine my surprise when RHCP incorporated it into one of their songs! Truly, I think the letters Keidis chants in this song are just many failed attempts to spell the word “Ethiopia.”

3. "Mellowship Slinky in B Major"

I've got a mellowship, I've got a fellowship
I've got a nonstop "yo swan" hello chip
Born to adore the big bad bison
Thunderstorm and a man like Tyson
Popcorn peanuts lookin' at big butts

Oh man. This one is a classic for all of us. Because when I really think about it, don’t we all have a yo swan hello chip inside all of us? I love the cute little way that Keidis confuses kernels and peanuts in the phrase “Popcorn peanuts.” So adorable.

4. "Get Up and Jump"

Get up and jump, get up and jump
Get up, get up, get up and jump
Jump on up, jump on down
Just jump, a jump, a jump, a jump, a jump around
Jump the day away, jump all over town
'Causes jumpin' is okay in a jumpin' kinda way, hey

A spiritual successor to Kris Kross’s "Jump", this song is just a feel-good track about participating in something bigger than all of us: jumping. Fun fact, the word ‘jump’ is used 59 times in the full song.

5. "Blackeyed Blonde"

That blackeyed beauty with the golden crotch
French electric sex a cock shocking swamp fox
Heaten queen of sleeze she's hot to box

If there’s one thing in this world that needs to be dirtier, it’s a tongue twister! Try saying ‘French electric sex a cock shocking swamp fox’ three times fast. It’s impossible!

6. "Nobody Weird Like Me"

Intercourse with a porpoise
Is a dream for me
Hell bent on inventing
A new species

As I outlined in my article about Seaworld, inventing a new species is something I’ve been interested in since I discovered I couldn’t fly or breathe underwater. Keidis and I are kin, then, in our lust to further the human species.

7. "Coffee Shop"

Confucius might have been confused
And Buddha might have blown a fuse
I ooze the muse

It takes a deep thinker to put together that the words Confucius and confused start with the same letters. Keidis has saved the average listener some time and placed them together in a song!

8. "Party On Your Pussy"

I want to party on your pussy, baby
Well, I want to party on, party on your pussy
I want to party on your pussy, baby
Well, I want to party on your pussy, yeah, yeah, yeah

Me too.