Imagine a life where the only job you had was to eat, sleep, and cuddle all day. Oh, and I forgot the best part, all of your expenses are paid. This incredible life is yours, for free, if you promise to love unconditionally and provide a genuine friendship. This job actually exists, by the way, it's called being a dog. Here are 8 reasons why I'd rather be a dog, and you probably will want to be too.
1. Getting to sleep all day
Oh sure, I'm called "lazy" and "unmotivated" by my parents and roommates when I sleep all day, but it's "cute" and "precious" when dogs do it 24/7. They're truly living the life. Also, dogs don't have to get up for horrid 8 A.M. classes and listen to a professor rant on about the importance of mitosis for two hours.
2. Always being well fed
Dogs are usually fed a solid two to three meals throughout the day, not counting the yummy dog treats and foods dropped from the dinner table they manage to get their paws on. Plus, they don't even have to save coupons to pay for their meals or wait for annual parents visits to get free food. Me? Well, I have sleep for dinner five out of the seven days of the week and even have to eat chips for breakfast sometimes.
3. Being loved for being fat
Everybody is so quick to notice and criticize once they realize your slim jeans are fitting a little tighter than usual, but dogs have it easy. It's "adorable" and "lovable" when they gain weight because there's more "fluff" to cuddle with.
4. Having the world be your bathroom
Ladies, we all know the pains of having to pee in public. Public restroom lines range from five minutes to fifty minutes. Imagine having the world as your bathroom, getting to piss and sh*t anywhere and everywhere without having to pop a squat or worry about toilet paper. Beautiful.
5. Being pet all the time
You know that amazing feeling when somebody is running their fingers through your hair? I can only imagine how great it must be to be pet all over like that all the time.
6. Shedding hair all over the place and not being judged for it
One of my parents' biggest nuisance when I used to live with them was how much hair I'd shed and leave on the bathroom floor. However, the life of the dog means shedding hair every time somebody touches you and still being considered amazing and adorable despite turning people's black leggings into white-fur pants.
7. Being bathed
You know those days when you just don't have the strength to bathe? Well, lucky for dogs, humans do all the cleaning for them, as dogs usually just sit there and yelp. Lucky for this dog, he's getting cleaned and gets to be in the presence of Mariah Carey, too.
8. "Puppy eyes" always gets you out of trouble
This is actually a picture of my puppy after I found my bathroom trashed with chewed up toilet paper. You can clearly tell he's torn with guilt in his eyes, but hey, I'm not heartless. How could anybody deny those beloved puppy eyes?
I think we can all agree now that the best thing you can be in this world is a dog. With their unconditional love and nurturing manner, dogs not only promote feelings of self-worth and happiness, but provide us with cuddles every night. Thank God dogs exist!
