As an only child, it was somewhat inevitable that I was going to get a dog. After years and years of browbeating my parents with incessant phrases like "Pleeeeaassee?!?" and, "I promise I'll take care of it!" I finally broke them down, and for my 10th birthday I was graced with the cutest little puppy dog on Earth, also known as Phoebe. While she may have four legs, floppy ears and occasionally drag her butt on the ground when she has to poop, she is the closest thing that I have to a sister, and I absolutely adore everything about her.
I bet most dog owners would agree that they don't see their dog as just a dog, but as a human trapped in their dog's body, more or less a member of the family. So whether you are an only child or have 10 other human siblings (Lord help you), if you've ever had a dog, you've probably had one of these ah-ha moments when you realized that your dog is less like your pet and more like your sibling.
1. Your parents start mixing up the dog's name with yours.
While this was kind of cute and funny at first, this may be one of the most frustrating things ever. Although you would never want to minimize your dog, the fact that your parents are actually mixing up your dog's name with yours is kind of offensive. You often wonder if this is an indicator that they love the dog more than you.
2. Your Christmas card always features a picture of you and your dog in matching sweaters.
Would it even be a Christmas card if this didn't happen? While this was cute when you were 5, Mom and Dad still haven't gotten the memo that a 20-year-old wearing a matching elf costume with their aging Chihuahua isn't as "adorable" as it used to be.
3. Your dog knows exactly how to piss you off, and you swear they do it intentionally.
Of course Petco only shows commercials of dogs and their owners frolicking through a field of daisies. What they don't show is your dog peeing on your bed, the constant smacking of your leg when you're eating dinner or the destruction of your science project that is due the next day. While your parents would say that your dog "just doesn't know any better," you see that snarky grin on your pup's face when they're taking a whiz on your pillow. They know that they're up to no good.
4. But you totally know how to get them back.
Ah, the taste of sweet, sweet revenge. Whether you dress them up in goofy outfits, carry them around like a baby or make them dance in public places, you know how to show them that you're the alpha dog, and you're not taking their sh*t.
5. You start having insightful conversations with your dog that are more than just “You’re so cute! Yes, you are!”
Soon enough, your dog knows everything that you've done today, who you're crushing on, why crop tops are totally in right now and your deep, dark repressed childhood memories. Why? Because you talk to them as if they are your brother or sister. While they may give you the occasional eye roll that reads as "Can you just shut up and please scratch my butt?" you intuitively know that they're actually paying attention.
6. Your dog gets overprotective when you bring a new significant other over.
Like any other sibling would, your dog checks out your new boyfriend or girlfriend just to make sure they meet their standards. And don't even think about making out with BAE when your parents aren't home. Your dog will c*ckblock that scene like it's their job.
7. You get into heated verbal arguments with your dog.
If you forget to feed them or they pooped in the house, there is always a bit of tension between the two of you. Because of your dog's lack of vocal chords, they typically express their anger through a medley of passive-aggressive sighs, grunts and occasional barks. They make it very clear to you that they are not having it. However, in the end you always end up making up, because that's what siblings do.
8. You watch mindless TV with them all day long.
Mom and Dad aren't interested in watching "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" with you? No worries. Just as long as you let your dog watch a little bit of Animal Planet, they will be more than happy to watch goofy reality TV with you all day long.
9. When you have to babysit your dog and they end up babysitting you.
Haven't been outside all day? Your dog will beg to go for a walk just so you can get some fresh air. Forgot to pull the covers up before you fell asleep? Your dog will lie on top of you so that you don't get cold at night. While you may think you're the one looking out for your dog, they're also looking out for you.
10. Your dog always knows when you need a hug.
Whether it's a breakup, a broken bone or just a bad day, your dog always knows when a snug is in order.
11. You know that you never ever want to lose your dog, because not only are they your sibling, but they are your best friend.
Even Putin would agree.
