From the Donald Trump takeover to a more normal four day gathering, the 2016 Democratic National Convention (DNC) consisted of messages and attitude that was polar opposite compared to the Republican National Convention (RNC) one week ago. Among the "Bernie or Bust" crowd whose dreams had as much of a chance as the Cleveland Browns winning the Super Bowl and the people who attended for the right reasons, the DNC had plenty of moments that were memorable. But just how to condense it all into eight takeaways? It was possible for the RNC, so it should be no different for the DNC! Here are the eight most memorable highlights of the convention:
1. The "Bernie or Bust" trolls make one final push...and get absolutely slaughtered!
Bernie Sanders supporters saw this coming, yet were in complete denial about Sanders losing the nomination. "Feel the Bern" made one last rallying cry (actually more like boos and hisses toward Hillary Clinton supporters) by chanting "Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!" on numerous occasions throughout the night. Comedian Sarah Silverman finally shut them down when she said the "Bernie or Bust" people were "being ridiculous." Since Clinton was officially made the Democratic nominee the second night, all the Bernie supporters can now check themselves into rehab and begin the healing process. It will be hard, though, since curing people who believed they had it made and then lost it all when it mattered most will take a very long time (see: Minnesota Vikings and Buffalo Bills Super Bowl appearances).
2. Senator Al Franken can not make up his mind about whether to be a comedian or a politician.
Former Saturday Night Live comedian and now Minnesota Senator Al Franken took the stage on Monday night and gave a speech that consisted of a balance between a stand-up routine and an actual speech. From his Trump University bashing to his urging of the American people to vote for Hillary Clinton, one cannot help but wander if Franken is in an existential crisis: is he a comedian or is he a serious politician? Both arguments are valid since he was among the original writing staff on SNL and has been a senator for over seven years. Oh, who am I kidding?! He is a comedian! When someone wins a senatorial election by only 312 votes after a recount, that is a sure sign that Al Franken is the most damn lucky human being on the face of the planet. Al, just keep telling yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
3. Melania Trump has new material!
First Lady Michelle Obama spoke on Monday night in the headliner role as she provided much needed material for Melania Trump's next speech. Obama's words will be more than plenty for Trump to one-up her RNC speech. Here is a preview of Melania's next speech:
"I live in a house that was built by Mexicans and other undocumented workers. Now that I see my children play with Americans' money, I am filled with hope. Don't let anyone ever tell you that this country is not great. My husband, Donald Trump, will make America great again! And because of Donald, my daughters and sons and everyone else now take for granted that a egotistical maniac can be president of the United States."
4. Elizabeth Banks tries her best to be Donald Trump.
If you thought Donald Trump's entrance with "We Are the Champions" playing was awkward, Elizabeth Banks' entrance to the same song parodying Trump's entrance was even more awkward. Understandably, conservative media outlets gave negative reviews while liberal media outlets praised it. I did not see that one coming. Queen guitarist Brian May was among those who praised it. The one shining moment from all this is that we know now that Brian May is, in fact...a diehard, hardcore liberal. Thanks for the subtle revelation, Mr. May!
5. "The Tales of Hillary Clinton" read by the Potential First Laddie
Potential First Laddie Bill Clinton, who is not Scottish, told America some candid stories about his wife including when they met at law school in 1971. The former President regarded his wife, Hillary, as the "best darn change maker I have ever known." That statement most likely held true during the whole Monica Lewinsky affair (no pun intended). Clinton's speech was regarded as a "typical first lady address" because he rarely touched on his own political career. That was because he was touching...the hearts of the American people, of course.
6. Broadway's best debut lead single from the new Let's Make America United Anthology
About forty or so (did you seriously think I was going to count?) of Broadway's brightest stars took to the stage on the third night of the convention to sing the classic Burt Bacharach/Hal David tune "What the World Needs Now Is Love." What the American people did not know, however, is that it was the debut single (even though the song is almost fifty years old) for an anthology of peace and unity songs that will most definitely provide the solution to ending the escalating violence and injustice around the world. You will get to hear Adele Dazeem (I'm sorry...Idina Menzel) perform "Peace Train" by Cat Stevens, Kristin Bell sing "Takin' It to the Streets" by the Doobie Brothers, and the entire cast give another overdone performance of "We Are the World." The album is expected to be in stores soon after the next mass shooting. By the way, the official Donald Trump convention album was a recording of Pink Floyd's The Wall featuring performances by Rudy Giuliani, Dr. Ben Carson, Melania Trump, and the Donald himself!
7. Bill Clinton listens to too much of his wife at home anyway.
When Hillary Clinton gave her nomination acceptance speech on the final night of the convention, her husband appeared to be dozing off right in the middle of it. Vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine unsuccessfully tried to hide the alleged napping by putting his face in front of the former President when red light shined on the camera next to them. Mr. Clinton, I know you hear your wife talk a lot everyday, but please do not put fuel on the fire for Ben Carson comparisons. Dr. Carson was asleep for the whole Republican race, so you should know better! He is about 70 years old, and people that age do need to be well rested.
8. Bill and Hillary's 99 Luftballons
Look at all the balloons (there were probably more than 99)! I mean, just look at them! They make people so happy! Oh, and the colors! Ok, I think my acid trip is over now. The DNC culminated in an uplifting manner (gosh, I'm so punny today!) with a multitude of balloons celebrating Hillary Clinton's nomination for the presidency. While the RNC ended with Trump basically saying, "America sucks! I can make it better!", the DNC provided much needed hope for this country and hopefully a step in the right direction. As long as Congress is cool with it, right? Right?
