Imagine you're at a birthday party/wedding reception/anywhere with cake. People take their first bites and give polite compliments or start doing that overly-dramatic-Food-Network-Star "mmm-ing."
And then it happens. Someone, probably a 40-something-year-old parent, trying to be kind and “with it," says that the cake is “pleasantly moist.” A few people stop eating. Some keep their composure and nod politely even though they feel deeply, deeply disturbed. That girl in the back starts laughing and has to remove herself from the premises. Why? “Moist.” That's why.
The whole phenomenon in which people are so aggressively against the word “moist” has always been a mystery to me. What is it about the word that people despise so much? The sound? The meaning? Like any resourceful millennial, I took my inquiries to Twitter and begged for answers.
The majority of responses I received indicated that the combination of sound and meaning make the word truly cringe-worthy. The most interesting response I received was from Matthew McNally, a resident of North Carolina. He hypothesized that people hate the word “moist” primarily because of the sexual connotations this word holds.
This is a fair point, sure, but I still don't think the sparing inclusion of “moist” in one's vocabulary warrants so much aggression-especially because the word doesn't even allude to something painful or unpleasant.
In the English language, there are many words that can evoke feelings of devastation, disturbance and sadness far better than "moist" can. Moist can't hold a candle to these words, mostly because moist has no hands.
So, in an attempt to slightly redirect peoples' hot, hot rage, here are seven gross words that are less widely hated (but definitely more gross) than moist:
1. Fungal
"Having to do with fungus." Okay, so I'm starting off with something tame here just to help ease you into the realm of the truly disgusting. The first syllable, "fun," isn't so bad. The word as a whole, though, is pretty unpleasant because it brings moldy food and decay to mind.
2. Fester
As in "festering wound," as in Uncle Fester from "The Addams Family." This word is used to describe when a wound is becoming infected or can be used to describe when things are rotting. The connotations surrounding this word are overwhelmingly negative.
3. Abrasion
First of all, this word sounds overly formal and sounds as if it is trying to impress everyone. It earns immediate gross points for bringing to mind the 1800s and for having a vaguely Jane-Austen-vibe. Second, the word's definition, "the process of scraping or wearing away," when applied to a human being, brings the image of a pretty gruesome injury to mind.
4. Gullet
This word sounds kind of primitive and reminds me more of a battle cry than an actual word. Although the this word is simply another name for the esophagus, I think that the phrasing that often surrounds it ("stuff a sandwich down your gullet") is what ruins the word for me by adequately gross-ing it up.
5. Oozing
It's hard for me to think about this word for too long or say it too many consecutive times without shuddering. The idea of this word grosses me out. See for yourself: it is defined as "slowly trickling or seeping out of something." It's somehow ominous. It's gag-inducing. Even the words used to describe it are gross! "Seeping?" No thank you. "Seeping" definitely gets an honorable mention for being pretty repulsive on its own.
6. Gristle
Gristle is, essentially, cartilage. Ever since learning that gristle is the hard part in a processed chicken nugget or chicken patty, this word has become my enemy. I will do everything in my power to take this word down. Keep gristle off of the streets. Keep gristle out of my chicken nuggets. Keep gristle out of your vocabulary.
7. Phlegm
This one is my personal least favorite. Read over this lovely definition:
"The thick viscous substance secreted by the mucous membranes of the respiratory passages, especially when produced in excessive or abnormal quantities, e.g., when someone is suffering from a cold."
The meaning is absolutely repulsive. Now say the word out loud. P-h-l-e-g-m. The way the letters combine to make a word come out of your mouth sounds pretty similar to how actual phlegm is hacked up and spit out. The sound is gross. The meaning is gross. That's a double whammy for sure.
So, what am I getting at here? There are a lot of gross words out there, you just have to get out there and find them. When the conversation topic of most disgusting words crops up again (because it always seems to for some reason), consider dropping a few of these into the conversation. "Moist" is tired. Give "moist" a rest, and let "phlegm" have the spotlight for a change.
