7 Ways to be a Better Transgender Ally
I see and hear quite often
people that say they are allies, and end up saying things in a
negative context, or could be construed as such. I'm hoping that some
of these will help allies become better, change behavior, and just
overall have more success in showing their support for the
transgender community.
1.
Make Sure to always use the correct pronouns
Making sure to always use the correct pronouns in which the person is identifying with is extremely important. Typically these are male (him/his), female (she/her) or gender neutral (they/them). However, there are other variants that people use, and that's okay. Some people's pronouns can change frequently, as much as by the hour, which is also okay. Asking someone what their pronouns are is invited and usually will just be a quick answer and you can go back to talking about the weather or something.
2. Don't over apologize for misgendering
If you do mess up with pronouns (It will most likely happen), don't over apologize. Apologize once, correct yourself, move on. There is no real reason that you really need to dwell on the mistake. We understand, and accidents do happen. There are things that are so deeply ingrained into our brains, and associating gender with certain characteristics is part of those tendencies.
3.
Don't just be an ally when we are around
Standing up for the community when there is no one else present is very important. There is no way that we can be everywhere (as we make up less than 3% of the American population), but simply don't let others put us down without making an effort. I'm not saying you have to go out of your way to pick a fight about the community, but just don't stay silent when you see or hear insults being thrown around, please.
4.
Listen to Us!
I think that this goes hand in hand with just about every minority group, but it's one that is so easy to achieve. If we mention that something is bad, if something is transphobic, if something is inherently negative for the community, listen to us. If we mention that something is negative, there is a real solid chance that it is. We don't complain just to hear ourselves talk!
5. Let us know you're supportive.
It is easy to get into a rut and feel like you have no one around you. We've all felt it, and we most likely will all feel it at some point in our lives. However, when you're coming out as transgender, or living full time, it can be easier to feel isolated. However, don't try to rub it in that you're supporting us. Don't turn around and try to use it as a point to try and get leverage on us. This will just turn most people away from the behavior.
6. Be understanding
There are lots of things that
we as trans people go through that are relatively uncomfortable for
us, especially when we are first coming out and being ourselves. Lots
of things happen in this time. Anxiety, anxiety attacks and
depression are both things that are very common during these times,
and just understand that they will happen.
7. Ask questions
Know that asking questions is a lot better than assuming. However, use common sense about questions that wouldn't be considered appropriate. However, if you're unsure of how something should be address, ask. Ask ask ask.
