Since, I was a little girl, I have always imagined the day I would have little girls of my own. As I got older, I imagined how amazing it will be to one day be able to teach my daughters all of the things I had no one to teach me about and in many ways, I feel that these lessons on heartbreak are so deeply important.
1. It doesn't matter if they didn't choose you. You should choose yourself.
If he leaves you for another, it's okay. You don't need anyone who doesn't need you. Be your own first choice. Be unapologetically selfish in your life and that is when the right kinds of people will gravitate towards you.
2. When you know you've done all you can do, walk away.
If you take anything away from this completely objective list of lessons, I hope it's this one. There is no shame in putting your everything into something, especially when it comes to the love you give others. It is okay to fight tooth and nail for what you believe in and who you believe in, but eventually, if you keep giving your all and then some to a someone who isn't right for you or takes advantage of your forgiving and loving heart, walk away. Do it gracefully. It's okay to have tears streaming down your face as you take this step but do not turn around and do not push to make something right that just isn't.
3. You can't make homes out of people.
I know how much you love him. That brown eyed boy with the goofy grin. That boy whose arms make you question why people bother going to church when all the comfort and peace in the world seems to exist only in his arms. Don't let those arms become the only place you can sleep soundly, so coming home to your own bed makes you feel restless and cold. Looking into those eyes might make you feel like you're coming home now, but when they leave you, you'll be haunted by every fleck of gold and every reflection of yourself that you saw in them.
4. Letting go and goodbye are not the same thing.
So many people claim to have let go but really all they've said is goodbye. Letting go is acceptance. Their hands are no longer yours to hold, you can no longer be their keeper and ward off their demons that follow them in this world and you are okay with it. Goodbye is knowing all of these same things, but instead you hope that one day, you will somehow make it back across the fault lines to hold those same hands. Let go, don't just goodbye.
5. Everyone deserves a second chance, but not for the same mistake.
Your forgiving heart is a beautiful thing and there is true strength in those with the power to forgive. It's okay to let them back in, but someone who makes the same mistakes over and over again when they know how much it hurts you certainly doesn't respect you and they definitely do not love you. Walk away.
6. Ask the right questions.
Forget all of the negative questions you will inevitably want to ask yourself. Why was I not good enough? Why did they leave? What does she have that makes her worthy of being treated like gold when he treated me like the dirt underneath of his shoe? What about all of things you said? Instead, focus on the right questions. What beauty can you create in the space they no longer occupy? What did I do wrong, what did they do wrong and what can I use from this to grow?
7. What is coming is better than what is gone.
Standing on the other side of this will feel like a freedom you have never known. The future is what matters and imagine, if you can love the wrong one so much and they made you so happy, trust in how amazing that means the right one must be. You are stronger now. You will be the one who comes out on top. Never stop fighting for your future.
